Sleepover

Mike is out of town for 5 days (!) for his grandfather's memorial service, so I'm alone with Michaela. My mom came over yesterday to help watch her while I was working, and then stayed the night. It was a nice time, though I did get really frustrated because my mom overstimulated the baby at bedtime, which made Michaela think it was time to be awake, so she didn't go to bed until 10:30. TEN THIRTY. Ugh. But to make up for it, my mom got up with Michaela this morning and changed her and fed her and I got to sleep in and take a shower. That was pretty rad.

Right now, she's still here at my house and my dad has joined her. My parents and Michaela are all hanging out, playing. Michaela has a history of freaking out really badly around my dad, for reasons that I don't quite understand (because it used to be he was the only one who could make her laugh). But he came over, they're playing and I can hear the sound of toys and laughter and, best of all, no screaming and crying on Michaela's part. Phew! It was really hurting my dad's feelings that she reacted that way, so this is a huge win.

Last night, when my mom was changing into her nightgown, I caught a glimpse of her naked breasts. They look like mine. Or mine look like hers, I guess. I suppose that's while childbirth does to boobs. It was a bit unsettling. I'm trying to think of it as a badge of honor, though; one that we now share.

(As "Cats in the Cradle" runs through my head and I hear "my boy was just like me....")

--Michaela is doing great on the food front. She's eating solids and loving them. She has had avocado, eggs, cottage cheese, oatmeal, green beans, carrots, bananas, butternut squash, watermelon, and peas. Her favorites are squash, peas, carrots and bananas. Anything sweet, basically.

--She has taken two baths in the real bath tub. She loves the water. Very unlike her mommy. Her grandma (Mike's mom) is visiting, and gave Michaela her first bath in the bath tub. Michaela splashed and screamed with joy and was really upset when it was time to get out. I was actually disappointed (though I didn't say anything), because I'd been looking forward to giving her her first bath in the tub. I almost did last week, but ended up doing something else, and just like that, the first time was gone. I did give Michaela a bath tonight, and it was nice.

--Grandma also put Michaela on the swing for the first time (another thing I was looking forward to doing). I also didn't say anything about being disappointed about that. It wouldn't have helped.

--Michaela bit the crap out of my nose the other day, and then poked me in the left eye. Later, she poked me in the right eye. Being a mom is hard!

--Mike continues to drive me crazy, off and on. But I have tried to seem excited when he wants to have sex, and when we do, it puts him in a better mood, which is good. I'm still not much in the mood for sex, but it is hurting a little bit less now, at least.

--Today I went and got a new bra. A real, non-nursing bra. It's sort of weird! 1) It feels so constricting, after wearing a nursing bra. This has underwire and a real hook and all that jazz. The nursing bra is just a cotton thing that barely holds up my boobs.

--Speaking of, my boobs are smaller (yeah!), but saggier. The density has changed. They're less full now. It's weird. So the bra I was wearing before was an H cup, and the one I bought today is a DD. Also, my ribs seem to have expanded slightly, and I'm fleshier than I was before. I stood in the fitting room today, looking at myself in only my bra, and I was disgusted. I need to do something to try to tone up some. I'm giggly and loose and flabby, and I don't like it.

--Also, as I pump less, I'm going to burn fewer calories, so all my eating is going to make me fat(ter). I don't want that!

--My boss is pregnant. I'm so happy for her! She's had a lot of issues and I'm just hoping she can keep this baby. I wish there was something I could do to make that happen, but of course there isn't.

--Speaking of new babies. When I told him my boss is pregnant, he said, "I was thinking we should get started on number two." I wanted to kill him. At the time, Michaela was fussing. Who wants to have another kid when I already have one who cries? Also, it's easy for him to say that. He's not the one who would have to carry and then push out the second kid!

--Though I do want to give Michaela a sibling. I love my brother, and our relationship, and I want her to enjoy that type of relationship, too. But I would like to have my body back to myself for just a little while. Like, to stop pumping and to be able to enjoy that for a bit before having to worry about becoming the host for another being.

--Now that Michaela is eating solids, she's having real poop. Have I mentioned I don't like cloth diapers?

--I booked tickets to go see my best friend in Chicago in September. Michaela and I are going to go and Mike is going to stay home. I'm nervous to travel on a plane without Mike, especially since Michaela will be too big to put in the Baby Bjorn. How am I going to carry her and all our stuff? Oy. I guess that's what curbside check in is for. My BFF had twin girls a few months ago, so it will be the first chance for our daughters to meet. I can't wait.

--One more complaint? Mike's mom helped us get Michaela's room ready before she was born. And she did an amazing job. The room only got done because of her help, and I am so thankful for her. But I guess she and Mike decided they wanted to do some additional painting in there and have planned to do so tomorrow. I don't want them to do anything to the room! It's perfect the way it is, and I don't think trying to do more is going to work out well. But I guess we'll see.

Four Month Update

I try not to be too Type A, too competitive about Michaela. I know that comparing her to other babies is a recipe for disaster. And the doctor has told us that since Michaela was a month early, we should give her an extra month to do things. But I have a couple of friends who have babies around the same age as Michaela. One is a girl who is 10 days younger, the other is a boy who is 2 weeks older. Today I had lunch with the friend with the daughter and I couldn't help but compare the two babies in my head. The girl, V, has rolled over. Michaela hasn't. V can grab her feet. Michaela can't. The boy, S, is smiling a lot and cooing a lot and seems much more... developed... than Michaela.

She'll be four months old tomorrow. I am reminding myself that she is growing by leaps and bounds and that one day equals a large percentage of her life. So I need to give her time and let her grow at her own rate. Besides, there's nothing I can do about it either way.

She is cooing, she smiles. Her vision seems to be really good. Michaela is a happy baby and clearly loves us very much. And I am happy with that!

Tuesday we go to the pediatrician for her four month check up. She'll get some shots (ugh) and get measured and weighed, and we'll get the pediatrician's professional opinion on Michaela's progress. More then!

Roundup

Well, I continue to do a bad job of updating this blog since Michaela was born. It's not intentional. In fact, it's rare that a day goes by that I don't think, "I'll have to blog about that!" Then I just don't quite get there.

Since it's been so long, this will be another roundup style post.

--Michaela is growing and growing and growing! She has little rolls of chub now and looks a bit like the Michelin Man (Girl).
--My father-in-law and step-mother-in-law are coming into town tomorrow. They're nice people and I really like them, so I'm looking forward to it. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the inevitable clash that will happen between Mike and his step-mom, who thinks he is "over-involved" with the baby and who thinks cloth diapers are weird.
--We're going to CO in April to visit Mike's grandparents. His grandpa was just diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, so we don't know how much time he will have left.
--I pumped in a hair salon yesterday, under my cape. Never thought I'd do that!
--Also on my list of things I never thought I'd do: use the word "vaginally" when talking to a former work associate. When I worked in PR, the place I worked was on this woman reporter's beat. We built a relationship once I left that place that I would describe as friendly, and now she's pregnant. We talked the other day and she was asking about my labor and delivery experience. The word "vagina" isn't a bad one, but it's not something I usually discuss with folks other than my husband and my doctor!
--Work is going well. I'm good at it, and my boss is thrilled to have me on board.
--Mike and I have had sex a few additional times since I last blogged. It's still painful for the most part, but I'm hoping that will get better. I let him touch my breasts for the first time since I had the baby. He said they were "different," but wouldn't tell me how they are different, which is driving me crazy. Oh, and yes, as I feared, I did start leaking milk. By the time we were done, each of us had it on us. It kind of grossed me out.
--My mom continues to make oddball comments that I know she doesn't mean to come out in a "I think you're a bad mom" way, but still somehow manage to. She is constantly going on about how she just holds Michaela all the time when she is babysitting. Finally I said to her, "you know, it's not like I put her in a box when I go home, or in the dog's crate. We hold her all the time, too, even if you only see us bring her over in the car seat."
--Speaking of my crazy parents, my mom finally came over for the first time last week, and only because I was desperate. I had to get on an important conference call for work and didn't have time to drop Michaela off, so my mom came over. She stayed for about a half hour and then went home. My dad still hasn't come by. Neither one of them lives more than 2 miles from my house.
--In fact, my mom watched Michaela for us last Saturday night while Mike and I went out to a friend's birthday dinner. My mom told my dad she'd have the baby, so he went over there and was excited that Michaela was awake. Before that, the only times he'd seen her, she'd been sleeping. I'm not sure why my dad can go over there to see the baby but can't come here, but I find it odd and obnoxious. Luckily, I don't take it personally. It's not about me, it's about how crazy they are.
--I'm getting really nervous about money. Mike's not working as much as I thought he would, and the baby is taking up way more time than he thought she would, so he's not able to actively seek out work int he way we'd anticipated. Meanwhile, we just finished a big, expensive renovation on part of our house, so we're taking money out of savings, but because Mike's not making much and we're living off only my income and income from the rental units, we're not putting anything away in savings. We're just drawing down our cash reserves. I'm not even saving anything for retirement right now. That is killing me.
--In spite of the above point, we're thinking more and more seriously about trying to move in a few years to some place that has better schools and opportunities for Michaela to be friends with neighborhood kids. That's not an option where we are now, unless the 'hood really changes and a lot of Yuppies like us move in.
--I've lost all of my pregnancy weight and then some, but my body has changed shape. My ribcage is bigger, I think, than it was before, because all my bras seem tight in the band. That sucks, because bras are expensive and I hate to have to buy new ones. But they're pretty darn important, so I will have to at some point.
--Every time I go to Target or to Costco, I end up buying stuff for Michaela. It's an addiction! The other day, it was a few $1 books from Target. Not too bad, but still, I shouldn't do that. Have I mentioned I'm worried about money?!?
--I leave in a few days for Sacramento for work. I've arranged to have a mini-fridge in my room to store my milk, and I'm taking a soft-sided cooler to store the milk in on the way home. I've been pumping... hmm, I'm not sure how many times a day... We're giving Michaela 8 ounces of formula a day, both to get her ready for having formula when I'm gone and so I can store some (frozen) milk for her to have while I'm gone. The other day, Michaela went through a period where she wanted the bottle in her mouth all day- really, for hours on end- but didn't eat hardly anything. That day, I was able to put away about 15 ounces of milk. Which is good because her appetite is definitely back now!
--Life is pretty good. I'm really enjoying being a mom, much more than I thought I would, though I sometimes get tired. Michaela is just wonderful and I'm actually at a point now where I've been thinking, "yes, I can have another one." But just one more!

Two months already

It's scary how much has happened in the weeks since I last wrote. There have been a ton of things that I've said to myself, "gotta remember to blog about that," but then I don't have time or don't make it a priority. Too bad, because I know someday I'll look back on these posts and appreciate having captured my thoughts.

Briefly, here are some more.

--Went to Michaela's two-month peds appointment yesterday and the doctor said she has a heart murmur. Not what any mom wants to hear. She said it sounds innocent and it should be fine, but she referred us to the pediatric cardiologist anyway to have an echo cardiogram.

--Michaela got her first shots. I was upset, as was she, but she did great. I feel lucky she doesn't cry much. We really have a good baby.

--She's huge! The pediatrician said she never would have known Michaela was born a month early. She's in the 97% percentile on weight, 90% percentile on length, and 75% in head size, but the doctor stressed that it's all proportionate.

--Mike and I had sex last night for the first time since the baby was born. I felt like I was being ripped apart, in spite of the fact that my OB said I am all healed up. I guess it goes without saying that the sex wasn't that great for me.

--Mike and I had been fighting for weeks on end, but we seem to be in a better place now. In the thick of it, I was thinking obsessively about divorce, which friends told me would happen. But that didn't make it better.

--Work is good. I've resigned myself to having to work, so I figure I might as well make the best of it. I really like my boss and that helps, and it's nice to be at home. Actually, here's how I put it in an email a couple of weeks ago to a friend:
Being back at work sucks. Well, no, that's not fair. It's complicated. I'm trying to remind myself that this arrangement is MUCH better than my previous one in terms of what it means for my family. And that's absolutely true. This morning, I got up at 8:30, turned on my computer, and was at work. On my lunch break, I helped Mike give Michaela a bath. I'm doing laundry as I type this. All of those things are great.

On the other hand, I'm totally jealous of Mike, who will start taking Michaela to baby sign language and outdoor education classes for 0-12-month-olds next week. I'll be at my desk, working. That's really hard.

Work-wise, it's okay. I didn't ever really get my bearings before, so it's sort of like starting a new job all over again. I miss being in charge of a team (and I had a great team). This job is much more technician, in spite of my director title. But that's probably for the best, since I do want to be able to spend time with the baby without being stressed out about work.

--The baby classes are great. I have made time in my schedule to be able to go to at least one of the classes each week, and that helps me feel less jealous and less disconnected. Gotta love having a flexible schedule!

--My weight loss has plateaued. I was hoping to drop more weight, but I think I'm going to have to exercise to make that happen. Ha ha.

--I have to go to a conference in Sacramento in early March for four days. Mike and I fought about it quite a bit, because I wanted him and the baby to go along and he didn't want to, but we've decided he's not going to go. I'm actually looking forward to going and being able to sleep (even though I have to get up to pump, I won't have to do any feedings or diaper changes in the middle of the night, and I can go to bed early, I hope).

--I'll have the baby all to myself in April for a weekend. That should be interesting. And we're going to Denver to visit Mike's parents and grandparents (his grandpa was just diagnosed with cancer) later that month.

--Everything is going well. I'm really enjoying being a mom. And I love Michaela like nobody's business.

--Parents are hilarious. My mom is totally against breastfeeding. She's convinced formula is better. My favorite quote on the subject: "I know you read on the internet that breastfeeding is best, but..." As if I read it on a website that also claims Elvis is alive and living in Boca! She's also not keen on cloth diapers. But she's watched Michaela twice now and did a great job (which I never doubted), and I'm appreciative that she's willing to do it.

--Neither of my parents have been over to see the baby. If we stop by, they're happy to see her. And they always ask about her. But they haven't come over. It's really weird, even for them.

I'll end here so I can get back to work, but hope to return to a regular posting schedule soon!

Stream of Consciousness, Part 2

--I just had the most successful breastfeeding session with Michaela ever. She fed for 45 minutes. Normally, getting to 15 is a challenge, and it's more like, "I've been trying to get her to latch and to stay on for 15 minutes." This time is was, "okay, she's on and she's sucking with occasional slight pauses, but holy cow, she's really going!" It was awesome.

--Mike is a great dad, but he's terrible at getting up in the middle of the night. And he never moves as quickly as I want, which is frustrating, especially when I'm short on sleep.

--I woke up last night with my bra and sheets soaked. Totally soaked. The pads didn't help. I wonder if it's because I have really big nipples? The lactation consultant said I had two nipples that became one, so I need larger flanges for the breast pump. Seems like it'd make sense, then, that I'd probably need larger pads, though they don't come in different sizes.

--I have already lost 23 pounds. I weighed myself last night and couldn't believe it. It had been really depressing to go to the doctor each week and see a number that is higher than Mike's, even though I know it was natural and good for the baby. But when I outweighed him by a good 10-15 pounds-- weighing in at 201 at my last appointment the day I was induced-- I wasn't feeling so hot about the number on the scale. So last night when I got on my personal scale and it was 178, I was pretty happy!

--I'm a total idiot. Michaela's cord stump fell off the other day and we couldn't find it. I wasn't convinced we should save it forever, but I at least wanted to try to find it and look at it, because I love weird shit like that. Well, we couldn't find it. Today, I took the dog outside to go to the bathroom and saw what looked like a pincher bug on his coat. I flicked it away with my fingers into some bushes, and it dawned on me about .0001 seconds after I flicked it that it wasn't a pincher bug, it was Michaela's cord stump. Oops.

Labor and Delivery Triage

So tonight Mike and I got to visit Labor and Delivery Triage. I hadn't felt well all day, was just a little off. I went to bed with socks on last night and when I woke up this morning, my left leg had swollen so much that the sock constricted my circulation and left a deep line. My feet look like hooves. My hands are porky. I had a slight headache (like a sinus headache), though that went away, and it was really uncomfortable to sit down all day due to pain in my left side. Later in the day, my lower back started to hurt and I started to feel a good amount of balling up in my stomach.

We went to our childbirth class tonight and I had to get up in the middle of it to go to the bathroom. All of a sudden, my stomach started hurting and I knew I had to poo. I ended up being in the bathroom so long Mike actually got up and came into the ladides' room to make sure I was okay. I was, but that sealed it for me-- time to go to L&D Triage.

Registering once we got there was easy, though we had to wait a little bit before I actually got any attention. I was taken to an exam room, put on a fetal heart rate monitor and blood pressure cuff. Took off my pants so they could do an internal exam to check my cervix. Drank some water so they could do a urine test to look at protein and sugar in my pee, plus check for a urinary tract infection.

It turns out I was having contractions about every 10 minutes. My blood pressure looked pretty good-- higher than during the NSTs, but low for me-- and the baby's heart was doing fine. My cervix is soft, the doctor said, but still high; she also said I will probably deliver early, though she wouldn't commit to how early. She said to think of what I was feeling today as my baseline; anything more than this means I'm getting closer to popping.

It was good practice to go tonight and to get to know what to expect. Mike was fabulous, as expected. He's going to be a great dad. So now we just wait and see when Poppy wants to make her appearance in the world.

Pooped

Lately, I've been feeling really fatigued again. I go to bed but have a hard time sleeping, then finally fall asleep (getting up a few times each night to pee). When it's time to wake up in the morning, I feel pooped, and by the end of the day, all I want to do is lay in bed. Walking around or doing any sort of activity-- sometimes even just standing for a few minutes-- tires me out to no end. I don't like it. I've been taking my prenatal vitamins, so I'm not sure what it might be. Have a doctor's appointment on Friday, so I'll ask my OB then.

One thing I've definitely decided is that if I had this to do again, I would start exercising at the beginning of pregnancy. I think building up my stamina and developing my lung capacity and muscles would be really helpful in carrying a child. I guess that's a lesson for next time (if there is a next time, that is).

I want my baby back, baby back, baby back....

No, not really. I just want MY ribs to feel better! They still hurt, especially my right side. The pain was excruciating this Sunday. I woke up and felt okay, but think I hopped out of bed too quickly and tweaked something, because for the rest of the day, I was in agony. I noticed today they're feeling a lot better than they were, though there are still some twinges of pain.

When I was at the OB this morning, I asked about the pain and she said (as I thought), it was just residual muscle strain from when I had the flu. She said the things we'd normally do to make it better-- Advil, Motrin, etc.-- are off limits because of the pregnancy, and basically, I need to grin and bear it. Which I have been doing as best I can.

In other news, my fundus is measuring 31-32 weeks, so she's sticking with her "the baby is big, we're not changing your EDD" policy. Also, I got my H1N1 vaccine today. Anything to keep from getting another round of the flu! (And never mind how much worse it would be if I picked up swine flu somewhere!). The baby is not, as I feared, transverse; she's head down. Thank goodness for that.

The big mass I've been feeling on the right side, under my (painful) ribs is the baby's rump. Good to know.

I am at a point now where I need to go in for appointments every 2 weeks, and, on top of that, I will start going in for non-stress tests twice a week at 34 weeks. I'm so thankful I'll be working in the same city as my doctor. I don't know what I would have done if I'd needed to do that while working 100 miles away.

Hard to believe we're getting so close! We still have so much to do...

"Like menstrual cramps"

People have told me, and I've read, that contractions (little ones, at least) are like really bad menstrual cramps. The wisdom usually goes like this, "oh, you'll know when you're having a contraction. It's like a really bad cramp when you have your period!" Here's the thing, people. I never had regular periods. That's where the whole "I didn't think I could get pregnant" thing came from. And the periods I did have were usually tame (and often times very short). No cramps. Maybe the occasional back ache, but that was about it. So all these "really bad cramp" analogies aren't doing it for me. Sure, at a certain point, I'll know I'm having a contracting. But in the meantime, I'm drawing a blank.

Misc.

I've been feeling what I think are Braxton Hicks contractions. Interesting. I need to ask the OB about them next week, but the childbirth class teacher said what I described sounds like Braxton Hicks.

Childbirth class is... interesting. I'm learning, and it's helpful for me to listen to the teacher, jot down notes in the book, and practice. Mike is bored out of his mind and would prefer to have all the info summarized in a short (20-30 minutes) session rather than a long (2 hour) one. I do agree with him that the class could be tighter and that our instructor is pretty weird. But I think you have to be weird to teach childbirth.

We watched a childbirth video tonight. Fortunately, it was tame. No crotch shots. Thank goodness. I was worried. It turned out to be like a shortened version of "A Baby Story." Phew.

My best friend is 12 weeks pregnant with twins! She called me yesterday with the happy news. I'm excited for her and her hubby, shocked by the twins news (can't imagine how shocked she must be!), and also a little sad that they live so far away that I won't get to be super involved in going shopping with her, etc. But she's coming out for my shower in December and I will throw one for her when she's closer. Lots of babies!

"No worries"

So the ultrasound. Apparently I didn't drink the water early enough so they had a hard time looking at my cervix and had to use the dildo cam. The baby looks good-- had her hands in front of her face, boxer style. Put 'em up! But she's big. Or I'm further along by 3-4 weeks than they thought based on my 8 week ultrasound.

I emailed my doctor to ask what she thought. Her reply was actually really nice. (I always am self conscious about bothering her, which I know is stupid, but still.) It began with "no worries." She went on to say the baby is just big, that the 8 week ultrasound is waaaay more accurate than this and that they're not going to move my due date and that I don't need to be freaked out about possibly delivering about a month earlier than we'd planned. She also said that my high blood pressure could have made the baby smaller, but that it's not the case and I should be happy about that. And I don't have gestational diabetes, so the baby isn't big because of that. So I'm going to stick with her advice and focus on "no worries."

Another ultrasound

The one good thing about being a "high risk" pregnancy (because of my blood pressure) is that we get an extra ultrasound to make sure the baby is growing appropriately. Tomorrow morning is our growth scan, and Mike and I are both really excited to see how big Poppy has gotten. I'm nervous, of course. I have fears that one of her limbs will have fallen off or that something's going to be wrong. I guess that's just part of being a mom. She's been actively kicking me, her heartbeat has sounded good each time I've been to the doctor, etc. So hopefully tomorrow we'll find that everything is okay and I can stop worrying. For now. ;)

Moo

This is my private blog-- it's out there and people can look at it if they come across it somewhere, but I don't give out the URL to people I know in real life-- so I can write whatever I want! Including things that might be TMI, like this.

The last couple of weeks, my nipples and areolas have had crusty stuff on them. I can and do flake it off, and I realized it'd probably colostrum. A quick Google search also supported that idea. The crusty stuff is kind of gross, but it's a natural bodily function, so what can you do?

Today I started thinking, though. If it's colostrum, it's gotta be coming out of my nipples and then spilling onto my aereolas, where it then dries and becomes crusty, right? But I've never seen or felt anything coming out of my nipples! So I decided I'd do some Googling to learn how to manually express my breasts, which, assuming it is colostrum, would produce that substance. I gave it a try and was fascinated to see a clear liquid coming out of my nipple! Oh my god! What a weird sight!

Things are going well

I went to the doctor this morning for a routine appointment and am happy to report that everything is on track. My blood pressure was 122/77-- which is amazing for me!-- and the baby's heartbeat was strong and healthy. I'm not having any weird symptoms except two different types on itching. One is a rash that seems to happen when I get too hot or sweaty. It's gross and uncomfortable, but the doctor said that may just be how I react to being pregnant and that I should 1) try some spray on antiperspirant where I tend to get the rash and 2) be happy it's starting to cool down. The other rash is a little more serious, potentially. The palms of my hands and soles of my feet get red, swollen, and itchy. It may be a sign of problems with my liver or gallbladder, so I am going to have some blood work done in two weeks when I go for my glucose test and rhogam shot. My mom has hepatitis, and the itchy palms and soles is one of her symptoms. I have empathy now, because it's miserable!

All that being said, I'm really pleased with how everything is going. Sure, I complain about the day-to-day frustrations and annoyances, but all in all, it's been an easy pregnancy. I haven't had to worry about "is my baby okay?" "Is my baby going to make it?" or anything else. No cramping, no bleeding, no contractions, no nothing. Smooth sailing. For that, I am very thankful. I honestly didn't think it'd be that way.

My next appointment is towards the end of October, then one in the middle of November. Then I start going more frequently, unless my blood pressure starts acting up, in which case I'll go probably once a week. I'm in the home stretch!

Update

My birthday ended up being fine. We had dinner with some friends the day before and it was really nice. Very touching. I cried. I'm a sap, what can I say? The actual day-of, I worked a really long day (10 hours, plus 3 hours drive time). The day after, though, Mike and I and my brother went to a really fancy place for dinner and ate like pigs. Literally hundreds of dollars worth of food (and wine for the boys). It was all comped because of some work Mike had done for the owner of the restaurant. Not bad!

My stomach has gotten a lot bigger. I look at pictures from a couple of weeks ago compared to now and it's mind boggling. Amazing how quickly it happens. Tomorrow I'll be six months pregnant, and Sunday, I'll be married for a year. It's been a busy 12 months.

Work is going well. My boss has been much more open to letting me work from home. I'm home today and will be home two days next week, too. Woo hoo! That's a huge load off.

Big plans for this weekend include buying "What to Expect The First Year" and "Super Baby Foods." I figure I should get started learning about those things now, while I have time and while I'm rested.

Other than that, nothing too exciting going on. That's probably a good thing. ;)

Buzz saw

One of the things I've read in my pregnancy books is that the membranes that line the uterus are the same as those that line the nose. The changes that happen during pregnancy happen not only to the uterine membranes, but also to the ones in the nose. This results in snoring.

I don't usually snore, but apparently I've been doing it lately. Mike has told me that I've been snoring loudly enough that he can hear me from the living room. The first time he said that, we sort of laughed about it. I was embarrassed, but what can I do? He didn't mention it again, until last night, when he called me a buzz saw. Once again, I was snoring so loudly that he could hear me from the other room. It made it hard for him to sleep, and he went and slept on the couch. (That said, I did sleep very well. It's nice to have the whole bed to myself!)

I explained to him the biological reason for my new symphony of sounds and he told me it's cute. It's not, but I appreciate the sentiment. Last night, I was having a hard time getting comfortable-- lots of tossing and turning-- and add to that a fear of snoring and keeping Mike up, and it wasn't the most restful night I've ever had. I slept on the couch for a few hours and then came back to bed. Hopefully I'll get over this (not sure why the snoring has given me a complex; there's nothing I can do about it) so we can get back to normal!

Kicking

I was exhausted this afternoon from another day of fighting with my husband and two hours of intensive kitchen cleaning. It's so hot the ants have decided to invade, and they were all over everything in the kitchen-- the walls, the fruit in the fruit bowl, inside some of the cabinets, on the counter top, etc. I scrubbed the counter tops down, applied RAID to non-food surfaces, threw out food that was open and therefore vulnerable to ants, etc. And in the end, I was out of breath and pooped, so I went to lay down. Mike, meanwhile, had gone to the grocery store to pick up a few things.

Once on the bed (brand new mattress that we bought just hours earlier), I felt a kick from inside. At first I thought, "what was that?" Then I felt another and figured it out. It was Poppy! I was finally feeling her kicks!

Mike happened to call home because he'd left something here, and I told him to come back and get it and that if he was lucky, he'd get to feel her kick, too. He came home and laid on the bed next to me, but no such luck. Poppy is only kicking for me at this point.

Still, it was very exciting. What a nice feeling!

Was that movement?

I'm now 19 weeks and 2 days along. According to the books I've read and people I've talked to, I should be feeling Poppy's movement any day now. Someone told me-- and this makes perfect sense, whether it's medically accurate or not-- that all my movement during the day lulls the baby to sleep, so my best chance of feeling Poppy move (for the time being) is at night. I've laid in bed for the past few nights trying to decide if I feel anything. And then anything I do feel, I think, "is that just stomach discomfort? Gas? Am I even feeling anything?" I've become fairly nervous, though I'm not having any cramps or bleeding, and have continued to have pregnancy symptoms like the occasional morning sickness and ligament pain and swollen feet. We go to the doctor on Wednesday to find out the sex of the baby through an ultrasound, so at least I'll be able to find out soon if everything looks the way it should. I actually also have an appointment on Thursday, just for a regular check up. Should be a Kaiser-filled week.

Still alive

Mike and I went on a babymoon, hence the lack of posts. What a blissful experience! It was so nice to get away from it all for a while, and to stay in gorgeous hotels (that I didn't have to clean) and eat delicious food (that I didn't have to cook or clean up afterward)!

I am very lucky that my husband is really good to me. He is respectful of my limitations and thoughtful, and is sensitive to the fact that I don't always like asking for help or admitting I'm not physically up to something due to the pregnancy. We had a great trip, and it coincided with our 5-year anniversary, so that was fun, too.

Now that I'm back to the real world, things are going fine. I have two doctor's appointments next week: one regular checkup and the big sonogram to find out the sex of the baby. Unfortunately, I've read some posts lately on The Bump message board and watched some shows on TLC about unfortunate pregnancies, or children that have had trouble once they were born, so I'm feeling a little more anxious than usual. No more "The Child Frozen in Time" or "Sister Bond: Conjoined Twins" for me!

For the last two days, I've been having trouble breathing again. Not sure if Poppy moved and is sitting on/pushing against something involved respiration or what, but I don't like it! Other than that, and a short bout of morning sickness this morning, I'm feeling pretty good. I've been elevating my feet and being more conscious of how much standing I'm doing, so the foot swelling has lessened. I also have been trying (but not with much success, truth be told) to drink more water. I've gotta get better about that...

But other than that, I'm mostly excited and looking forward to finding out if Poppy is a boy or a girl!