I Think I'm Ready

I'd been thinking a lot lately about when it would be time to have a second kid, and have decided-- and told Mike-- that I think we should start trying in September or October. If I got pregnant in October, Michaela would be 10 months old, plus 10 months of pregnancy, so the kids would be 20 months apart. That's a good difference. And if it takes longer than that, then it would be a bigger gap. It's weird to think about "trying" (especially since I still have no sex drive), and it's weird to think that would mean I wouldn't have a break in getting some time to myself, with only me being dependent on my body. (Because I'm still pumping, so I'm still working for Michaela, and if I went right to pregnant, my body would then be working for #2.) But it feels right, so I think that's the plan.

Roundup

Well, I continue to do a bad job of updating this blog since Michaela was born. It's not intentional. In fact, it's rare that a day goes by that I don't think, "I'll have to blog about that!" Then I just don't quite get there.

Since it's been so long, this will be another roundup style post.

--Michaela is growing and growing and growing! She has little rolls of chub now and looks a bit like the Michelin Man (Girl).
--My father-in-law and step-mother-in-law are coming into town tomorrow. They're nice people and I really like them, so I'm looking forward to it. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the inevitable clash that will happen between Mike and his step-mom, who thinks he is "over-involved" with the baby and who thinks cloth diapers are weird.
--We're going to CO in April to visit Mike's grandparents. His grandpa was just diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, so we don't know how much time he will have left.
--I pumped in a hair salon yesterday, under my cape. Never thought I'd do that!
--Also on my list of things I never thought I'd do: use the word "vaginally" when talking to a former work associate. When I worked in PR, the place I worked was on this woman reporter's beat. We built a relationship once I left that place that I would describe as friendly, and now she's pregnant. We talked the other day and she was asking about my labor and delivery experience. The word "vagina" isn't a bad one, but it's not something I usually discuss with folks other than my husband and my doctor!
--Work is going well. I'm good at it, and my boss is thrilled to have me on board.
--Mike and I have had sex a few additional times since I last blogged. It's still painful for the most part, but I'm hoping that will get better. I let him touch my breasts for the first time since I had the baby. He said they were "different," but wouldn't tell me how they are different, which is driving me crazy. Oh, and yes, as I feared, I did start leaking milk. By the time we were done, each of us had it on us. It kind of grossed me out.
--My mom continues to make oddball comments that I know she doesn't mean to come out in a "I think you're a bad mom" way, but still somehow manage to. She is constantly going on about how she just holds Michaela all the time when she is babysitting. Finally I said to her, "you know, it's not like I put her in a box when I go home, or in the dog's crate. We hold her all the time, too, even if you only see us bring her over in the car seat."
--Speaking of my crazy parents, my mom finally came over for the first time last week, and only because I was desperate. I had to get on an important conference call for work and didn't have time to drop Michaela off, so my mom came over. She stayed for about a half hour and then went home. My dad still hasn't come by. Neither one of them lives more than 2 miles from my house.
--In fact, my mom watched Michaela for us last Saturday night while Mike and I went out to a friend's birthday dinner. My mom told my dad she'd have the baby, so he went over there and was excited that Michaela was awake. Before that, the only times he'd seen her, she'd been sleeping. I'm not sure why my dad can go over there to see the baby but can't come here, but I find it odd and obnoxious. Luckily, I don't take it personally. It's not about me, it's about how crazy they are.
--I'm getting really nervous about money. Mike's not working as much as I thought he would, and the baby is taking up way more time than he thought she would, so he's not able to actively seek out work int he way we'd anticipated. Meanwhile, we just finished a big, expensive renovation on part of our house, so we're taking money out of savings, but because Mike's not making much and we're living off only my income and income from the rental units, we're not putting anything away in savings. We're just drawing down our cash reserves. I'm not even saving anything for retirement right now. That is killing me.
--In spite of the above point, we're thinking more and more seriously about trying to move in a few years to some place that has better schools and opportunities for Michaela to be friends with neighborhood kids. That's not an option where we are now, unless the 'hood really changes and a lot of Yuppies like us move in.
--I've lost all of my pregnancy weight and then some, but my body has changed shape. My ribcage is bigger, I think, than it was before, because all my bras seem tight in the band. That sucks, because bras are expensive and I hate to have to buy new ones. But they're pretty darn important, so I will have to at some point.
--Every time I go to Target or to Costco, I end up buying stuff for Michaela. It's an addiction! The other day, it was a few $1 books from Target. Not too bad, but still, I shouldn't do that. Have I mentioned I'm worried about money?!?
--I leave in a few days for Sacramento for work. I've arranged to have a mini-fridge in my room to store my milk, and I'm taking a soft-sided cooler to store the milk in on the way home. I've been pumping... hmm, I'm not sure how many times a day... We're giving Michaela 8 ounces of formula a day, both to get her ready for having formula when I'm gone and so I can store some (frozen) milk for her to have while I'm gone. The other day, Michaela went through a period where she wanted the bottle in her mouth all day- really, for hours on end- but didn't eat hardly anything. That day, I was able to put away about 15 ounces of milk. Which is good because her appetite is definitely back now!
--Life is pretty good. I'm really enjoying being a mom, much more than I thought I would, though I sometimes get tired. Michaela is just wonderful and I'm actually at a point now where I've been thinking, "yes, I can have another one." But just one more!

In the hospital

Following up on my post about induction, here's what happened to us after Michaela was born.

We spent several hours in our Labor & Delivery room, then were transported to a recovery room. Fortunately, we ended up with a room to ourselves. That had been one of my biggest worries about the process; I didn't want to have to share a tiny (tiny!) room with Mike, Michaela, another woman, her baby, and her partner. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to share, considering the constant flow of people in and out of our room. Nurses checking my vitals and my blood pressure (since I was on some heavy duty drugs), nurses checking the baby. Doctors checking me, doctors checking the baby. People to collect linens, people to drop off and pick up food trays. Multiply all of that by two and I would have died.

Anyway, so we were in the room, recovering. They'd run some tests on Michaela and eventually it came out that she was jaundiced, which is too high a level of a substance called bilirubin. Jaundice is common in kids, especially preemies, whose livers haven't developed sufficiently by the time they come out. After one night in our room with us, Michaela had to go to the nursery to be under "bili lights," which are lights that break down the bilirubin. The most important thing, the doctors and nurses said, is for the baby to be under the lights and to eat as much as possible, because the bilirubin binds to the protein and is passed in feces. Unfortunately, Michaela and I were having (and continue to have) trouble with breastfeeding. I was so upset and so stressed out, between those two things. I cried and cried and cried.

In the scheme of things, being jaundiced isn't a big deal. And considering all the problems preemies can have, it's really wonderful that was all she was dealing with. Further, we were in a hospital, surrounded by wonderful, caring nurses who really went out of their way to be good to me and to Michaela. Better that than to be at home and have something go wrote, or to have an uncaring staff.

The doctors were ready to release me after a couple of days, but Michaela needed to be under the lights for at least 24, more like 30 hours. Sunday night at about 11 p.m. she went under the bili lights (I think; it's all a blur). Monday night at 11 p.m. was 24 hours, but they left her under until about 6 a.m. on Tuesday. They took her blood every six hours to run tests; that was really hard to watch because she screamed when they pricked her and squeezed her little foot to get the blood out.

My doctors kept me admitted so I could tend to Michaela and every two-to-three hours, Mike and/or I would go down to the nursery to feed her, or bring her to the room to feed her. We'd gotten to a point where I was so stressed about he difficulty feeding that I decided to give her formula from a bottle in addition to breastfeeding, and that was a huge load off.

Tuesday morning, Michaela's bilirubin level was down enough that we could take her off the bili lights, with the knowledge that we'd have to go back to the doctor in a day and a half to have her tested again. We got to spend some time with her on Tuesday, which was the nicest thing in the world after her being so far away from us for so long. Mike went home and cleaned up a bit, brought me a change of clothes. Michaela and I took a nap together and hung out. The lactation consultant came by again and offered some more tips. It was a good day. That night, at about 9 p.m., we were released and got to bring our baby home. FINALLY!

Maternity Leave

My leave is all messed up, which I've alluded to in a previous post. I was hoping it would get straightened out, and I suppose that it now has mostly been, I just don't like the way it was resolved.

The bad thing about starting a new job when you're 8 months pregnant is that you don't have any FMLA protections. The bad thing about working for a relatively small organization is that no one knows the answers to anything. We outsource our HR, so not only do I have to deal with someone on the internal company policies, but I also have to deal with someone from the HR company.

I get a 30 day maternity leave through my employer, 100% paid. It turns out it's 20 work days. That's fine, and actually pretty generous (especially considering I have only worked there for less than a month). The company starts that the day I went off work, which in my case was two days before I actually had the baby. I was disabled because of the drugs I was on, and my doctor will write me a note saying so in order to apply for Pregnancy Disability Leave, but that's a separate process run through the state-- not my employer and not the outside HR company. So that's another person/entity I have to deal with. What my company is telling me is that I need to exhaust my maternity leave first and then apply for that disability leave, which seems weird, but okay.

Unless I want to take time unpaid, I will only end up taking off 20 days of maternity leave. Except it's really less than that because I was out and in the hospital for a number of days, and have spent about a week since trying to get this all nailed down. A week of not working, that is. So at this point, I have about 11 work days off left before I have to go back to being a full-time employee.

Why not take unpaid leave time? Because of the other wrench in the works-- health insurance. When I left my last job, I had health insurance coverage through the end of November, but had to elect Cobra for December. My benefits with the new job were scheduled to kick in January 1, 2010. Except since I've been on maternity leave with no FMLA protection, I'm not considered an active employee and I will still need to work a consecutive 30 days (and then wait until the 1st of the month after those 30 days) before my benefits kick in. So not only do I have an $800 Cobra bill for me and the baby for December, but I will have to pay $850 (benefit costs go up with the new year) each month for the two of us to have coverage until my benefits kick in. At this point, because of the timing, if I finish out my 11 remaining days of maternity leave, that puts me into January, which means I need to work all of January plus however many days of February to get to 30 consecutive days, and then my benefits will kick in March 1. So $800 for December + $850 for January + $850 for March, just for me and Michaela to have coverage. Mike, meanwhile, has no health insurance because he quit his job, didn't elect Cobra, and won't have insurance until mine kicks in and he's on mine.

We have the money in savings to pay for the Cobra, and we also have the money in savings for me to take some unpaid leave, but the combination of the two would drain our savings at a really fast rate. Especially because any unpaid days I take delay my getting health insurance. So doing one prolongs the other, continuing the rapid drawing down of our savings at a time when I'm the only one working and Mike is taking time with the baby and on the renovations of our house (as opposed to actively seeking out work).

So right now, what I think I'm planning to do is to go back to work on Monday. Yup, Monday, December 28. Sixteen days after I gave birth. That way, I'll only have to do Cobra for December and January, my benefits will start February 1, and it will get my family the coverage we need soonest and with the least expense. I'm really unhappy with having to go back to work so soon, but I don't know what else I can do. I'll still have the other 11 days of leave, so after Feb. 1, I can't take those days.

Of course, I'm not sure how good of an employee I'll be when I'm on so little sleep and my mind is totally somewhere else, but I guess you go what you gotta do.

Induction

I've already written about going to labor & Delivery Triage on the night of Tuesday, Dec. 8. The next day, Wednesday, Dec. 9, I spent the day at home working and then drove up to Orange County for my old job's Christmas party. I got home from that at about 10 p.m. and crashed. Apparently, Mike and I were both so tired that we slept through the alarm that was supposed to wake us in time for my 10 a.m. OB appointment, because we woke at 9:50 instead! Rushing, knowing we HAD to make the appointment because of my L&D Triage experience a couple of nights before, each of us threw on the clothes we wore the day before and hauled ass to the OB's office. No breakfast, no teeth brushing, no nothing. We also had an NST immediately after the appointment, so we knew we needed to hurry to make that on time, too.

Got to the doctor's office, checked in, were seen. My OB asked us what had been going on and I told her about the Triage visit. She looked at the info in my files, did an internal exam (pronouncing me slightly dilated and effaced), looked at the swelling in my feet (which was pretty heavy, if you ask me), and, oddly enough, checked my reflexes. She tapped my knees and my legs sprang out. I asked if that was good and she said no. Then she said she wanted to run some tests on me and to go to the lab after the appointment to have some blood drawn and to give a urine sample. She said not to leave the NST until she'd seen the test results.

We got to the hospital, which is where the NSTs are done, and did the test. Our nurse had the doctor on call in the NST lab look at the results of the blood and urine work and he said we were fine and could leave-- this time. Mike and I walked out of the office talking about how crazy it is to think about one day coming to the hospital and being told, "sorry, we're going to keep you here." We'd just gotten to the elevators when the NST nurse came running after us, calling my name and saying my OB had called just after we left and that the results weren't good and that she was going to induce.

Yup, that's right. Induce. Right then, right there. No leaving the hospital, no going home. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Just go to the L&D ward and have a baby.

I was 35 weeks and 5 days along.

I was in shock. Total shock. I got scared and teary. We went to the check-in area and signed some papers and were able to convince a very nice admitting staffer to let us go get some lunch, given we hadn't had breakfast and didn't know how long anything would take. Mike wanted to go out somewhere but I said we should just go to the cafeteria and eat there, so that's what we did. While there, we made some phone calls. I called the dog sitter, who fortunately was able to come and get the dog and watch him, and Mike let his family know. I sent a text message to a few friends, but held off on telling my family because it would have been extra stress I didn't need or want.

Once lunch was done, we went back upstairs to L&D and were settled in "High Risk 1." I stripped down and they put an IV in me to run pitocin and miso-something or other to bring on labor, and magnesium sulfate, which was to ward off seizures. My OB came and explained that some of the levels associated with my liver were off, that my blood pressure was up, and that the edema in my feet and jerky reflexes were signs that I was pre-eclamptic. The mag sulfate was to warn off seizures, which is what happens when you become eclamptic.

I sent Mike home to get some stuff, giving him a list I'd made out at lunch of things I wanted/needed. Camera. Socks. "What to Expect When You're Expecting." Random stuff. It was very strange because we had no idea how long we'd be there, and I hadn't paid much attention to the "what to pack" info in any of my books because we still had a while. (Ironically, one of the things I'd planned to do during the weekend was to pack my bag.)

Thursday went by pretty slowly. At 4 p.m., I was 1 cm dilated andd 50 % effaced. I tried to sleep when I could because I knew I'd need the energy for labor. People kept coming in to take my blood pressure and vitals. At 9 p.m., I was still only 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced.

Later, like 1 a.m. (I think) Friday morning, we were moved to "L&D 10," a labor and delivery room that would be our home for the birthing process. Mike was with me and slept in a chair that sort of reclined into a bed. I was dilating and effacing very slowly. At 8 a.m. on Friday, they broke my water. I was concerned because of the velamentous cord insertion issue, but it was fine and there were no problems. The water breaking should result in stronger contractions, they said. That happened, but they still weren't very strong and I was still not moving along well.

At 6 p.m. on Friday, we were at a decision point. Should we keep going with the pitocin or do a c-section? By that point, I was on internal monitors to monitor the baby's heart rate and the strength of my contractions. The pitocin was being given at "10," the highest level they usually use, and it clearly wasn't doing much. My contractions were regular, but they weren't strong enough to be considered "active." At the same time, because of the baby's size, the OB was seeing some swelling of her head, which is sometimes a sign that the baby is too big to be pushed out vaginally. So that was another thing in favor of doing a c-section. I wanted to try to do it vaginally, but didn't want to have it get to a stress point where they'd need to do an emergency c-section. The doctor who was with us (not my OB) was amazing and really wonderful. She presented us with our options, which included upping the pitocin up to "30" if the baby would tolerate it. Mike and I decided that's what we would do, and we agreed with the doctor that we'd give it another 2-4 hours to see if that would work. Every 1/2 hour, they would bump up the amount of pitocin. Eventually, I got up to 4 cm dilated and we called in the nurse anesthetist to give me an epidural

The epidural was a godsend. It made everything so much easier (though Mike's use of the breathing technique we learned in childbirth class was nice, it wasn't as nice as the epidural!). The drugs had worked and I was definitely in active labor and was feeling the contractions, which were pretty intense. It was a relief to feel numb except for some pressure, and to be able to push a button for additional pain blocking power every 10 minutes as needed.

(Side note: scariest experience during labor came just before the epidural was done. The baby's heartbeat dived and everyone sprang into action. I've never seen people move so fast. They demanded I roll over onto my side and started doing something or other. In a weird twist, I was so out of it because of the mag sulfate-- which induces stupor in most people-- that I wasn't even fully aware of what was happening and couldn't understand why all of a sudden everyone was yelling at me to get on my side. As it turns out, they weren't sure if the baby's heartbeat really did take a dive or if it was a monitor issue or what. But it was pretty freaky.)

Finally they did another check and I was 8 cm dilated, 100% effaced. It felt like a huge victory. That was sometime Friday night. Then, later, I felt the urge t push and told my nurse. She told me to hold off on pushing and started to get a bunch of things ready and to call the doctor and to do all these things. It felt like she was taking FOREVER. All I wanted to do was bear down. When I finally was allowed to start pushing, the nurse took one of my legs and Mike took the other. Mike did the count (1-10, signifying how long to push) and each contraction, I'd do three pushes. The first one was relatively easy and I always started off strong. The next two were progressively harder to exhale for 10 seconds apiece and to push for 10 seconds apiece. The contractions were about every three minutes, and I pushed for about 1 hr, 45 minutes.

During the pushing, they would tell me, "oh, we can see the head!" or "she has lots of hair!" and things like that. They asked if I wanted to see the head and I said no, and they asked if I wanted to watch the baby crown and I said no. I pushed and pushed and pushed. When her head came out, I could definitely feel A LOT of pressure and knew it was coming out. The OB was there then (the 4th of our nearly two-day labor experience) and he had his hands inside of me as well. Thank God for the epidural. Once the head was out, then came the rest of the body, and at 12:17 a.m. on Dec. 12, 2009, Michaela was born.

(Because she was born on Saturday morning, she made it to 36 weeks. Still 1-4 weeks from "full term," though.)

I couldn't see it, but Mike said it was amazing to watch. I found it really fascinating and cool that my body just knew what to do.

The nurse took the baby to a different part of the room to administer the APGAR test and all of that and Mike stayed with me for a minute before going to be with the baby. In the meantime, the placenta didn't come out in one piece, so the doctor had to manually sweep my uterus to get it all out. It's really important that the entire placenta be delivered (or removed) because it signals your body that the baby has come and leads to all sorts of metabolic and hormonal processes for mom and baby. The OB also stitched me up because I tore as the baby was coming out. That was NOT pleasant and I hit the extra pain medicine button multiple times during each of those procedures.

Once the baby was done being checked out-- and I have no idea how long that took-- they brought her over to me and I got to hold her on my chest. She was so amazing. Not small at all, in spite of being premature. She weighed 7 pounds, 8.3 ounces (which makes me wonder how big she would have been if she'd stayed in another month) and was 20 inches long. She has a head of dark, soft, beautiful hair and sort of slate-blue eyes. Her feet and toes are long, and her hands are tiny.

People cleared out and then it was just us and the nurse. I can't remember where the baby was after that. Things were such a blur. We were in the room for a few hours before being moved to a room in "Four North," the high-risk L&D recovery unit. Fortunately, we had our own room. This was huge because one of the things I was dreading about Kaiser was having to share a room with another woman and her partner and their baby plus Mike and my baby. It became even more important later, because we ended up having to stay in the hospital a long time. (More on that in another post.)

I'm sure there's more, but this is all I can remember right now. Funny how a doctor's appointment turned into having our little one.

Stream of Consciousness

A lot has happened since I last wrote. I was induced and had the baby-- a great story I'll come back to tell in another post. In the meantime, I wanted to jot down a few thoughts so they wouldn't get lost in a fog of sleep deprivation.

--My new job. The benefits situation is all fucked up. Cobra through my old job is nearly $850/month for me and the baby. That doesn't include Mike, who is another couple of hundred bucks through his Cobra. Oy. Also, the 30-day maternity leave (since I'm not eligible for FMLA) is 30 days, not 30 work days, and so far, I've been told that it starts the day I had the baby. Given that this is December, and between this month and January, there are a lot of holidays I would normally have off anyway, I'm not thrilled about "losing" those days. My boss is pressing for an answer, though, and I am trying to be hopeful.

--Similarly, the thought of having to go back to work after only 30 days is killing me. I'm trying to remind myself, though, that even though I would have had more time off at my old job, eventually I would have had to go back and do the long commute and that would be excruciating as well.

--I'm soooooo tired. But sort of not tired. I don't think this is sustainable and I'll crash at some point, but right now, I'm tired but manage to keep it up throughout the day and then to get up multiple times at night.

--The baby is adorable. I'm in love with her like I've never loved anything or anyone else before. The love I have for her is totally different than my love for Mike. She has had some issues with jaundice, since she's technically a preemie (born at 36 weeks, not 37 or 40), and seeing her under the bili lights and having to get her heel stuck for blood tests every day is killing me. I know she will be okay, and it's good to get this taken care of, but it's so hard!

--Speaking of hard: breastfeeding. My goodness. The frustration was incredible. I cried and cried and cried the first several days, due to the breastfeeding situation and the jaundice situation. One night in the beginning, when I was in the newborn nursery-- I had to go there every 2-3 hours to take her off the bili light machine so I could feed Michaela-- I just said, "fuck it" and gave her a bottle with formula in it rather than continue to struggle to breastfeed her. It was a watershed moment. I felt so relieved, like all of the pressure was off me. I could give my baby what she needed, even if it didn't come from my boobs, and that's what was most important. The next day a really great lactation consultant came to my room and worked with me and I had more success, though it's still slow going. Michaela (that's how we ended up spelling it, which is another funny story) latches on but gets really tired and doesn't like to suck for very long. Not good when you need a lot of protein to bind to the bilirubin to make your jaundice go away. So we were supplementing her with formula, first out of a tube and syringe (so painful) and later (now) breast milk out of a bottle.

--I always sort of wondered how I'd know things like, how will I know when/how to push and how will I know if my milk came in. The labor front was amazing, my body did what it was meant to do. I got to a certain point where I felt all this pressure and said to Mike and the nurse, "I have to start pushing." And I did. On the milk front, it's very clear my milk is in because I'm like a Holstein cow! I have so much milk! My plan is that if breastfeeding doesn't work out (I have an appointment in 2 weeks with another lactation consultant, but am going to try to move that up to be sooner), I will just continue to pump and feed the baby out of a bottle. That's also nice because then Mike can do some of the middle-of-the-night feedings. :)

--Mike is, as I expected, an amazing father. He has a great touch with Michaela. When we were at the hospital, nurses would constantly tell me how impressed they were with him and how good he is with the baby. I told everyone he's the primary and I'm the secondary caregiver.

--I'm a pretty good mom, I think. I'm still a little hesitant on some things and unskilled on others (like putting the baby's clothes on, or getting her in/out of the car seat), but I will get better. And I'm not sure that anyone loves her more than I do, and that counts for something, right?

--I was in the hospital for six days. Six days. Now I'm totally confused about what date it is. I know Christmas is right around the corner, but we've decided to skip it this year. No time or energy to drag out the decorations and no interest in lugging the baby to the crowded malls to buy gifts for people which they probably won't get in time for the holidays, anyway, since so much family lives far away.

--My friends and family are awesome. They have all been so supportive, calling and texting and emailing and sending messages of love and congratulations and encouragement through Facebook. I have a core group of girl friends who have kids and they have been especially great, but it's not just other moms. Everyone has been wonderful!

--Mike and I went to lunch today at a restaurant where I went with his mom, when she was in town, about 10 days ago. I couldn't get over how crazy it is that 10 days ago, I was still pregnant, still a month away from having the baby, and his mom was here. Now, 10 days later, his mom is back in Colorado and I'm a mom. Wow.

Lots of other emotions and random tidbits to share, but I'm happy to have gotten these things out.

Labor and Delivery Triage

So tonight Mike and I got to visit Labor and Delivery Triage. I hadn't felt well all day, was just a little off. I went to bed with socks on last night and when I woke up this morning, my left leg had swollen so much that the sock constricted my circulation and left a deep line. My feet look like hooves. My hands are porky. I had a slight headache (like a sinus headache), though that went away, and it was really uncomfortable to sit down all day due to pain in my left side. Later in the day, my lower back started to hurt and I started to feel a good amount of balling up in my stomach.

We went to our childbirth class tonight and I had to get up in the middle of it to go to the bathroom. All of a sudden, my stomach started hurting and I knew I had to poo. I ended up being in the bathroom so long Mike actually got up and came into the ladides' room to make sure I was okay. I was, but that sealed it for me-- time to go to L&D Triage.

Registering once we got there was easy, though we had to wait a little bit before I actually got any attention. I was taken to an exam room, put on a fetal heart rate monitor and blood pressure cuff. Took off my pants so they could do an internal exam to check my cervix. Drank some water so they could do a urine test to look at protein and sugar in my pee, plus check for a urinary tract infection.

It turns out I was having contractions about every 10 minutes. My blood pressure looked pretty good-- higher than during the NSTs, but low for me-- and the baby's heart was doing fine. My cervix is soft, the doctor said, but still high; she also said I will probably deliver early, though she wouldn't commit to how early. She said to think of what I was feeling today as my baseline; anything more than this means I'm getting closer to popping.

It was good practice to go tonight and to get to know what to expect. Mike was fabulous, as expected. He's going to be a great dad. So now we just wait and see when Poppy wants to make her appearance in the world.

Reflecting on showers

Friday was my last day at work. Thursday, the people there threw me a shower. I was totally surprised and absolutely blown away by their generosity. Poppy came out of the shower with A TON of clothes and with some blankets, toys, bath products, etc. It was really amazing. I'm going to miss that place (and those people) very much, but I'm excited to not have to do the drive anymore and to start settling into the new routine.

Went to a baby shower yesterday for a friend I've known since junior high. It was lovely. Wonderful decorations and food and company. It made me excited for my shower (which is coming up!), but also allowed me to reflect on how cool it is that my kid and her kids (she's having twins) are going to be friends. My parents don't have couple friends, and even individually, neither of them had friends from longstanding relationships like that, so I never got to have "play cousins" or whatever you want to call them.

I am feeling surprisingly calm about the birthing process itself, and mainly full of excitement about the time that Poppy is actually here and all of the great things that are ahead of us.

Misc.

I've been feeling what I think are Braxton Hicks contractions. Interesting. I need to ask the OB about them next week, but the childbirth class teacher said what I described sounds like Braxton Hicks.

Childbirth class is... interesting. I'm learning, and it's helpful for me to listen to the teacher, jot down notes in the book, and practice. Mike is bored out of his mind and would prefer to have all the info summarized in a short (20-30 minutes) session rather than a long (2 hour) one. I do agree with him that the class could be tighter and that our instructor is pretty weird. But I think you have to be weird to teach childbirth.

We watched a childbirth video tonight. Fortunately, it was tame. No crotch shots. Thank goodness. I was worried. It turned out to be like a shortened version of "A Baby Story." Phew.

My best friend is 12 weeks pregnant with twins! She called me yesterday with the happy news. I'm excited for her and her hubby, shocked by the twins news (can't imagine how shocked she must be!), and also a little sad that they live so far away that I won't get to be super involved in going shopping with her, etc. But she's coming out for my shower in December and I will throw one for her when she's closer. Lots of babies!