Following up on my post about induction, here's what happened to us after Michaela was born.
We spent several hours in our Labor & Delivery room, then were transported to a recovery room. Fortunately, we ended up with a room to ourselves. That had been one of my biggest worries about the process; I didn't want to have to share a tiny (tiny!) room with Mike, Michaela, another woman, her baby, and her partner. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to share, considering the constant flow of people in and out of our room. Nurses checking my vitals and my blood pressure (since I was on some heavy duty drugs), nurses checking the baby. Doctors checking me, doctors checking the baby. People to collect linens, people to drop off and pick up food trays. Multiply all of that by two and I would have died.
Anyway, so we were in the room, recovering. They'd run some tests on Michaela and eventually it came out that she was jaundiced, which is too high a level of a substance called bilirubin. Jaundice is common in kids, especially preemies, whose livers haven't developed sufficiently by the time they come out. After one night in our room with us, Michaela had to go to the nursery to be under "bili lights," which are lights that break down the bilirubin. The most important thing, the doctors and nurses said, is for the baby to be under the lights and to eat as much as possible, because the bilirubin binds to the protein and is passed in feces. Unfortunately, Michaela and I were having (and continue to have) trouble with breastfeeding. I was so upset and so stressed out, between those two things. I cried and cried and cried.
In the scheme of things, being jaundiced isn't a big deal. And considering all the problems preemies can have, it's really wonderful that was all she was dealing with. Further, we were in a hospital, surrounded by wonderful, caring nurses who really went out of their way to be good to me and to Michaela. Better that than to be at home and have something go wrote, or to have an uncaring staff.
The doctors were ready to release me after a couple of days, but Michaela needed to be under the lights for at least 24, more like 30 hours. Sunday night at about 11 p.m. she went under the bili lights (I think; it's all a blur). Monday night at 11 p.m. was 24 hours, but they left her under until about 6 a.m. on Tuesday. They took her blood every six hours to run tests; that was really hard to watch because she screamed when they pricked her and squeezed her little foot to get the blood out.
My doctors kept me admitted so I could tend to Michaela and every two-to-three hours, Mike and/or I would go down to the nursery to feed her, or bring her to the room to feed her. We'd gotten to a point where I was so stressed about he difficulty feeding that I decided to give her formula from a bottle in addition to breastfeeding, and that was a huge load off.
Tuesday morning, Michaela's bilirubin level was down enough that we could take her off the bili lights, with the knowledge that we'd have to go back to the doctor in a day and a half to have her tested again. We got to spend some time with her on Tuesday, which was the nicest thing in the world after her being so far away from us for so long. Mike went home and cleaned up a bit, brought me a change of clothes. Michaela and I took a nap together and hung out. The lactation consultant came by again and offered some more tips. It was a good day. That night, at about 9 p.m., we were released and got to bring our baby home. FINALLY!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Maternity Leave
My leave is all messed up, which I've alluded to in a previous post. I was hoping it would get straightened out, and I suppose that it now has mostly been, I just don't like the way it was resolved.
The bad thing about starting a new job when you're 8 months pregnant is that you don't have any FMLA protections. The bad thing about working for a relatively small organization is that no one knows the answers to anything. We outsource our HR, so not only do I have to deal with someone on the internal company policies, but I also have to deal with someone from the HR company.
I get a 30 day maternity leave through my employer, 100% paid. It turns out it's 20 work days. That's fine, and actually pretty generous (especially considering I have only worked there for less than a month). The company starts that the day I went off work, which in my case was two days before I actually had the baby. I was disabled because of the drugs I was on, and my doctor will write me a note saying so in order to apply for Pregnancy Disability Leave, but that's a separate process run through the state-- not my employer and not the outside HR company. So that's another person/entity I have to deal with. What my company is telling me is that I need to exhaust my maternity leave first and then apply for that disability leave, which seems weird, but okay.
Unless I want to take time unpaid, I will only end up taking off 20 days of maternity leave. Except it's really less than that because I was out and in the hospital for a number of days, and have spent about a week since trying to get this all nailed down. A week of not working, that is. So at this point, I have about 11 work days off left before I have to go back to being a full-time employee.
Why not take unpaid leave time? Because of the other wrench in the works-- health insurance. When I left my last job, I had health insurance coverage through the end of November, but had to elect Cobra for December. My benefits with the new job were scheduled to kick in January 1, 2010. Except since I've been on maternity leave with no FMLA protection, I'm not considered an active employee and I will still need to work a consecutive 30 days (and then wait until the 1st of the month after those 30 days) before my benefits kick in. So not only do I have an $800 Cobra bill for me and the baby for December, but I will have to pay $850 (benefit costs go up with the new year) each month for the two of us to have coverage until my benefits kick in. At this point, because of the timing, if I finish out my 11 remaining days of maternity leave, that puts me into January, which means I need to work all of January plus however many days of February to get to 30 consecutive days, and then my benefits will kick in March 1. So $800 for December + $850 for January + $850 for March, just for me and Michaela to have coverage. Mike, meanwhile, has no health insurance because he quit his job, didn't elect Cobra, and won't have insurance until mine kicks in and he's on mine.
We have the money in savings to pay for the Cobra, and we also have the money in savings for me to take some unpaid leave, but the combination of the two would drain our savings at a really fast rate. Especially because any unpaid days I take delay my getting health insurance. So doing one prolongs the other, continuing the rapid drawing down of our savings at a time when I'm the only one working and Mike is taking time with the baby and on the renovations of our house (as opposed to actively seeking out work).
So right now, what I think I'm planning to do is to go back to work on Monday. Yup, Monday, December 28. Sixteen days after I gave birth. That way, I'll only have to do Cobra for December and January, my benefits will start February 1, and it will get my family the coverage we need soonest and with the least expense. I'm really unhappy with having to go back to work so soon, but I don't know what else I can do. I'll still have the other 11 days of leave, so after Feb. 1, I can't take those days.
Of course, I'm not sure how good of an employee I'll be when I'm on so little sleep and my mind is totally somewhere else, but I guess you go what you gotta do.
The bad thing about starting a new job when you're 8 months pregnant is that you don't have any FMLA protections. The bad thing about working for a relatively small organization is that no one knows the answers to anything. We outsource our HR, so not only do I have to deal with someone on the internal company policies, but I also have to deal with someone from the HR company.
I get a 30 day maternity leave through my employer, 100% paid. It turns out it's 20 work days. That's fine, and actually pretty generous (especially considering I have only worked there for less than a month). The company starts that the day I went off work, which in my case was two days before I actually had the baby. I was disabled because of the drugs I was on, and my doctor will write me a note saying so in order to apply for Pregnancy Disability Leave, but that's a separate process run through the state-- not my employer and not the outside HR company. So that's another person/entity I have to deal with. What my company is telling me is that I need to exhaust my maternity leave first and then apply for that disability leave, which seems weird, but okay.
Unless I want to take time unpaid, I will only end up taking off 20 days of maternity leave. Except it's really less than that because I was out and in the hospital for a number of days, and have spent about a week since trying to get this all nailed down. A week of not working, that is. So at this point, I have about 11 work days off left before I have to go back to being a full-time employee.
Why not take unpaid leave time? Because of the other wrench in the works-- health insurance. When I left my last job, I had health insurance coverage through the end of November, but had to elect Cobra for December. My benefits with the new job were scheduled to kick in January 1, 2010. Except since I've been on maternity leave with no FMLA protection, I'm not considered an active employee and I will still need to work a consecutive 30 days (and then wait until the 1st of the month after those 30 days) before my benefits kick in. So not only do I have an $800 Cobra bill for me and the baby for December, but I will have to pay $850 (benefit costs go up with the new year) each month for the two of us to have coverage until my benefits kick in. At this point, because of the timing, if I finish out my 11 remaining days of maternity leave, that puts me into January, which means I need to work all of January plus however many days of February to get to 30 consecutive days, and then my benefits will kick in March 1. So $800 for December + $850 for January + $850 for March, just for me and Michaela to have coverage. Mike, meanwhile, has no health insurance because he quit his job, didn't elect Cobra, and won't have insurance until mine kicks in and he's on mine.
We have the money in savings to pay for the Cobra, and we also have the money in savings for me to take some unpaid leave, but the combination of the two would drain our savings at a really fast rate. Especially because any unpaid days I take delay my getting health insurance. So doing one prolongs the other, continuing the rapid drawing down of our savings at a time when I'm the only one working and Mike is taking time with the baby and on the renovations of our house (as opposed to actively seeking out work).
So right now, what I think I'm planning to do is to go back to work on Monday. Yup, Monday, December 28. Sixteen days after I gave birth. That way, I'll only have to do Cobra for December and January, my benefits will start February 1, and it will get my family the coverage we need soonest and with the least expense. I'm really unhappy with having to go back to work so soon, but I don't know what else I can do. I'll still have the other 11 days of leave, so after Feb. 1, I can't take those days.
Of course, I'm not sure how good of an employee I'll be when I'm on so little sleep and my mind is totally somewhere else, but I guess you go what you gotta do.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Induction
I've already written about going to labor & Delivery Triage on the night of Tuesday, Dec. 8. The next day, Wednesday, Dec. 9, I spent the day at home working and then drove up to Orange County for my old job's Christmas party. I got home from that at about 10 p.m. and crashed. Apparently, Mike and I were both so tired that we slept through the alarm that was supposed to wake us in time for my 10 a.m. OB appointment, because we woke at 9:50 instead! Rushing, knowing we HAD to make the appointment because of my L&D Triage experience a couple of nights before, each of us threw on the clothes we wore the day before and hauled ass to the OB's office. No breakfast, no teeth brushing, no nothing. We also had an NST immediately after the appointment, so we knew we needed to hurry to make that on time, too.
Got to the doctor's office, checked in, were seen. My OB asked us what had been going on and I told her about the Triage visit. She looked at the info in my files, did an internal exam (pronouncing me slightly dilated and effaced), looked at the swelling in my feet (which was pretty heavy, if you ask me), and, oddly enough, checked my reflexes. She tapped my knees and my legs sprang out. I asked if that was good and she said no. Then she said she wanted to run some tests on me and to go to the lab after the appointment to have some blood drawn and to give a urine sample. She said not to leave the NST until she'd seen the test results.
We got to the hospital, which is where the NSTs are done, and did the test. Our nurse had the doctor on call in the NST lab look at the results of the blood and urine work and he said we were fine and could leave-- this time. Mike and I walked out of the office talking about how crazy it is to think about one day coming to the hospital and being told, "sorry, we're going to keep you here." We'd just gotten to the elevators when the NST nurse came running after us, calling my name and saying my OB had called just after we left and that the results weren't good and that she was going to induce.
Yup, that's right. Induce. Right then, right there. No leaving the hospital, no going home. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Just go to the L&D ward and have a baby.
I was 35 weeks and 5 days along.
I was in shock. Total shock. I got scared and teary. We went to the check-in area and signed some papers and were able to convince a very nice admitting staffer to let us go get some lunch, given we hadn't had breakfast and didn't know how long anything would take. Mike wanted to go out somewhere but I said we should just go to the cafeteria and eat there, so that's what we did. While there, we made some phone calls. I called the dog sitter, who fortunately was able to come and get the dog and watch him, and Mike let his family know. I sent a text message to a few friends, but held off on telling my family because it would have been extra stress I didn't need or want.
Once lunch was done, we went back upstairs to L&D and were settled in "High Risk 1." I stripped down and they put an IV in me to run pitocin and miso-something or other to bring on labor, and magnesium sulfate, which was to ward off seizures. My OB came and explained that some of the levels associated with my liver were off, that my blood pressure was up, and that the edema in my feet and jerky reflexes were signs that I was pre-eclamptic. The mag sulfate was to warn off seizures, which is what happens when you become eclamptic.
I sent Mike home to get some stuff, giving him a list I'd made out at lunch of things I wanted/needed. Camera. Socks. "What to Expect When You're Expecting." Random stuff. It was very strange because we had no idea how long we'd be there, and I hadn't paid much attention to the "what to pack" info in any of my books because we still had a while. (Ironically, one of the things I'd planned to do during the weekend was to pack my bag.)
Thursday went by pretty slowly. At 4 p.m., I was 1 cm dilated andd 50 % effaced. I tried to sleep when I could because I knew I'd need the energy for labor. People kept coming in to take my blood pressure and vitals. At 9 p.m., I was still only 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced.
Later, like 1 a.m. (I think) Friday morning, we were moved to "L&D 10," a labor and delivery room that would be our home for the birthing process. Mike was with me and slept in a chair that sort of reclined into a bed. I was dilating and effacing very slowly. At 8 a.m. on Friday, they broke my water. I was concerned because of the velamentous cord insertion issue, but it was fine and there were no problems. The water breaking should result in stronger contractions, they said. That happened, but they still weren't very strong and I was still not moving along well.
At 6 p.m. on Friday, we were at a decision point. Should we keep going with the pitocin or do a c-section? By that point, I was on internal monitors to monitor the baby's heart rate and the strength of my contractions. The pitocin was being given at "10," the highest level they usually use, and it clearly wasn't doing much. My contractions were regular, but they weren't strong enough to be considered "active." At the same time, because of the baby's size, the OB was seeing some swelling of her head, which is sometimes a sign that the baby is too big to be pushed out vaginally. So that was another thing in favor of doing a c-section. I wanted to try to do it vaginally, but didn't want to have it get to a stress point where they'd need to do an emergency c-section. The doctor who was with us (not my OB) was amazing and really wonderful. She presented us with our options, which included upping the pitocin up to "30" if the baby would tolerate it. Mike and I decided that's what we would do, and we agreed with the doctor that we'd give it another 2-4 hours to see if that would work. Every 1/2 hour, they would bump up the amount of pitocin. Eventually, I got up to 4 cm dilated and we called in the nurse anesthetist to give me an epidural
The epidural was a godsend. It made everything so much easier (though Mike's use of the breathing technique we learned in childbirth class was nice, it wasn't as nice as the epidural!). The drugs had worked and I was definitely in active labor and was feeling the contractions, which were pretty intense. It was a relief to feel numb except for some pressure, and to be able to push a button for additional pain blocking power every 10 minutes as needed.
(Side note: scariest experience during labor came just before the epidural was done. The baby's heartbeat dived and everyone sprang into action. I've never seen people move so fast. They demanded I roll over onto my side and started doing something or other. In a weird twist, I was so out of it because of the mag sulfate-- which induces stupor in most people-- that I wasn't even fully aware of what was happening and couldn't understand why all of a sudden everyone was yelling at me to get on my side. As it turns out, they weren't sure if the baby's heartbeat really did take a dive or if it was a monitor issue or what. But it was pretty freaky.)
Finally they did another check and I was 8 cm dilated, 100% effaced. It felt like a huge victory. That was sometime Friday night. Then, later, I felt the urge t push and told my nurse. She told me to hold off on pushing and started to get a bunch of things ready and to call the doctor and to do all these things. It felt like she was taking FOREVER. All I wanted to do was bear down. When I finally was allowed to start pushing, the nurse took one of my legs and Mike took the other. Mike did the count (1-10, signifying how long to push) and each contraction, I'd do three pushes. The first one was relatively easy and I always started off strong. The next two were progressively harder to exhale for 10 seconds apiece and to push for 10 seconds apiece. The contractions were about every three minutes, and I pushed for about 1 hr, 45 minutes.
During the pushing, they would tell me, "oh, we can see the head!" or "she has lots of hair!" and things like that. They asked if I wanted to see the head and I said no, and they asked if I wanted to watch the baby crown and I said no. I pushed and pushed and pushed. When her head came out, I could definitely feel A LOT of pressure and knew it was coming out. The OB was there then (the 4th of our nearly two-day labor experience) and he had his hands inside of me as well. Thank God for the epidural. Once the head was out, then came the rest of the body, and at 12:17 a.m. on Dec. 12, 2009, Michaela was born.
(Because she was born on Saturday morning, she made it to 36 weeks. Still 1-4 weeks from "full term," though.)
I couldn't see it, but Mike said it was amazing to watch. I found it really fascinating and cool that my body just knew what to do.
The nurse took the baby to a different part of the room to administer the APGAR test and all of that and Mike stayed with me for a minute before going to be with the baby. In the meantime, the placenta didn't come out in one piece, so the doctor had to manually sweep my uterus to get it all out. It's really important that the entire placenta be delivered (or removed) because it signals your body that the baby has come and leads to all sorts of metabolic and hormonal processes for mom and baby. The OB also stitched me up because I tore as the baby was coming out. That was NOT pleasant and I hit the extra pain medicine button multiple times during each of those procedures.
Once the baby was done being checked out-- and I have no idea how long that took-- they brought her over to me and I got to hold her on my chest. She was so amazing. Not small at all, in spite of being premature. She weighed 7 pounds, 8.3 ounces (which makes me wonder how big she would have been if she'd stayed in another month) and was 20 inches long. She has a head of dark, soft, beautiful hair and sort of slate-blue eyes. Her feet and toes are long, and her hands are tiny.
People cleared out and then it was just us and the nurse. I can't remember where the baby was after that. Things were such a blur. We were in the room for a few hours before being moved to a room in "Four North," the high-risk L&D recovery unit. Fortunately, we had our own room. This was huge because one of the things I was dreading about Kaiser was having to share a room with another woman and her partner and their baby plus Mike and my baby. It became even more important later, because we ended up having to stay in the hospital a long time. (More on that in another post.)
I'm sure there's more, but this is all I can remember right now. Funny how a doctor's appointment turned into having our little one.
Got to the doctor's office, checked in, were seen. My OB asked us what had been going on and I told her about the Triage visit. She looked at the info in my files, did an internal exam (pronouncing me slightly dilated and effaced), looked at the swelling in my feet (which was pretty heavy, if you ask me), and, oddly enough, checked my reflexes. She tapped my knees and my legs sprang out. I asked if that was good and she said no. Then she said she wanted to run some tests on me and to go to the lab after the appointment to have some blood drawn and to give a urine sample. She said not to leave the NST until she'd seen the test results.
We got to the hospital, which is where the NSTs are done, and did the test. Our nurse had the doctor on call in the NST lab look at the results of the blood and urine work and he said we were fine and could leave-- this time. Mike and I walked out of the office talking about how crazy it is to think about one day coming to the hospital and being told, "sorry, we're going to keep you here." We'd just gotten to the elevators when the NST nurse came running after us, calling my name and saying my OB had called just after we left and that the results weren't good and that she was going to induce.
Yup, that's right. Induce. Right then, right there. No leaving the hospital, no going home. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Just go to the L&D ward and have a baby.
I was 35 weeks and 5 days along.
I was in shock. Total shock. I got scared and teary. We went to the check-in area and signed some papers and were able to convince a very nice admitting staffer to let us go get some lunch, given we hadn't had breakfast and didn't know how long anything would take. Mike wanted to go out somewhere but I said we should just go to the cafeteria and eat there, so that's what we did. While there, we made some phone calls. I called the dog sitter, who fortunately was able to come and get the dog and watch him, and Mike let his family know. I sent a text message to a few friends, but held off on telling my family because it would have been extra stress I didn't need or want.
Once lunch was done, we went back upstairs to L&D and were settled in "High Risk 1." I stripped down and they put an IV in me to run pitocin and miso-something or other to bring on labor, and magnesium sulfate, which was to ward off seizures. My OB came and explained that some of the levels associated with my liver were off, that my blood pressure was up, and that the edema in my feet and jerky reflexes were signs that I was pre-eclamptic. The mag sulfate was to warn off seizures, which is what happens when you become eclamptic.
I sent Mike home to get some stuff, giving him a list I'd made out at lunch of things I wanted/needed. Camera. Socks. "What to Expect When You're Expecting." Random stuff. It was very strange because we had no idea how long we'd be there, and I hadn't paid much attention to the "what to pack" info in any of my books because we still had a while. (Ironically, one of the things I'd planned to do during the weekend was to pack my bag.)
Thursday went by pretty slowly. At 4 p.m., I was 1 cm dilated andd 50 % effaced. I tried to sleep when I could because I knew I'd need the energy for labor. People kept coming in to take my blood pressure and vitals. At 9 p.m., I was still only 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced.
Later, like 1 a.m. (I think) Friday morning, we were moved to "L&D 10," a labor and delivery room that would be our home for the birthing process. Mike was with me and slept in a chair that sort of reclined into a bed. I was dilating and effacing very slowly. At 8 a.m. on Friday, they broke my water. I was concerned because of the velamentous cord insertion issue, but it was fine and there were no problems. The water breaking should result in stronger contractions, they said. That happened, but they still weren't very strong and I was still not moving along well.
At 6 p.m. on Friday, we were at a decision point. Should we keep going with the pitocin or do a c-section? By that point, I was on internal monitors to monitor the baby's heart rate and the strength of my contractions. The pitocin was being given at "10," the highest level they usually use, and it clearly wasn't doing much. My contractions were regular, but they weren't strong enough to be considered "active." At the same time, because of the baby's size, the OB was seeing some swelling of her head, which is sometimes a sign that the baby is too big to be pushed out vaginally. So that was another thing in favor of doing a c-section. I wanted to try to do it vaginally, but didn't want to have it get to a stress point where they'd need to do an emergency c-section. The doctor who was with us (not my OB) was amazing and really wonderful. She presented us with our options, which included upping the pitocin up to "30" if the baby would tolerate it. Mike and I decided that's what we would do, and we agreed with the doctor that we'd give it another 2-4 hours to see if that would work. Every 1/2 hour, they would bump up the amount of pitocin. Eventually, I got up to 4 cm dilated and we called in the nurse anesthetist to give me an epidural
The epidural was a godsend. It made everything so much easier (though Mike's use of the breathing technique we learned in childbirth class was nice, it wasn't as nice as the epidural!). The drugs had worked and I was definitely in active labor and was feeling the contractions, which were pretty intense. It was a relief to feel numb except for some pressure, and to be able to push a button for additional pain blocking power every 10 minutes as needed.
(Side note: scariest experience during labor came just before the epidural was done. The baby's heartbeat dived and everyone sprang into action. I've never seen people move so fast. They demanded I roll over onto my side and started doing something or other. In a weird twist, I was so out of it because of the mag sulfate-- which induces stupor in most people-- that I wasn't even fully aware of what was happening and couldn't understand why all of a sudden everyone was yelling at me to get on my side. As it turns out, they weren't sure if the baby's heartbeat really did take a dive or if it was a monitor issue or what. But it was pretty freaky.)
Finally they did another check and I was 8 cm dilated, 100% effaced. It felt like a huge victory. That was sometime Friday night. Then, later, I felt the urge t push and told my nurse. She told me to hold off on pushing and started to get a bunch of things ready and to call the doctor and to do all these things. It felt like she was taking FOREVER. All I wanted to do was bear down. When I finally was allowed to start pushing, the nurse took one of my legs and Mike took the other. Mike did the count (1-10, signifying how long to push) and each contraction, I'd do three pushes. The first one was relatively easy and I always started off strong. The next two were progressively harder to exhale for 10 seconds apiece and to push for 10 seconds apiece. The contractions were about every three minutes, and I pushed for about 1 hr, 45 minutes.
During the pushing, they would tell me, "oh, we can see the head!" or "she has lots of hair!" and things like that. They asked if I wanted to see the head and I said no, and they asked if I wanted to watch the baby crown and I said no. I pushed and pushed and pushed. When her head came out, I could definitely feel A LOT of pressure and knew it was coming out. The OB was there then (the 4th of our nearly two-day labor experience) and he had his hands inside of me as well. Thank God for the epidural. Once the head was out, then came the rest of the body, and at 12:17 a.m. on Dec. 12, 2009, Michaela was born.
(Because she was born on Saturday morning, she made it to 36 weeks. Still 1-4 weeks from "full term," though.)
I couldn't see it, but Mike said it was amazing to watch. I found it really fascinating and cool that my body just knew what to do.
The nurse took the baby to a different part of the room to administer the APGAR test and all of that and Mike stayed with me for a minute before going to be with the baby. In the meantime, the placenta didn't come out in one piece, so the doctor had to manually sweep my uterus to get it all out. It's really important that the entire placenta be delivered (or removed) because it signals your body that the baby has come and leads to all sorts of metabolic and hormonal processes for mom and baby. The OB also stitched me up because I tore as the baby was coming out. That was NOT pleasant and I hit the extra pain medicine button multiple times during each of those procedures.
Once the baby was done being checked out-- and I have no idea how long that took-- they brought her over to me and I got to hold her on my chest. She was so amazing. Not small at all, in spite of being premature. She weighed 7 pounds, 8.3 ounces (which makes me wonder how big she would have been if she'd stayed in another month) and was 20 inches long. She has a head of dark, soft, beautiful hair and sort of slate-blue eyes. Her feet and toes are long, and her hands are tiny.
People cleared out and then it was just us and the nurse. I can't remember where the baby was after that. Things were such a blur. We were in the room for a few hours before being moved to a room in "Four North," the high-risk L&D recovery unit. Fortunately, we had our own room. This was huge because one of the things I was dreading about Kaiser was having to share a room with another woman and her partner and their baby plus Mike and my baby. It became even more important later, because we ended up having to stay in the hospital a long time. (More on that in another post.)
I'm sure there's more, but this is all I can remember right now. Funny how a doctor's appointment turned into having our little one.
Stream of Consciousness, Part 2
--I just had the most successful breastfeeding session with Michaela ever. She fed for 45 minutes. Normally, getting to 15 is a challenge, and it's more like, "I've been trying to get her to latch and to stay on for 15 minutes." This time is was, "okay, she's on and she's sucking with occasional slight pauses, but holy cow, she's really going!" It was awesome.
--Mike is a great dad, but he's terrible at getting up in the middle of the night. And he never moves as quickly as I want, which is frustrating, especially when I'm short on sleep.
--I woke up last night with my bra and sheets soaked. Totally soaked. The pads didn't help. I wonder if it's because I have really big nipples? The lactation consultant said I had two nipples that became one, so I need larger flanges for the breast pump. Seems like it'd make sense, then, that I'd probably need larger pads, though they don't come in different sizes.
--I have already lost 23 pounds. I weighed myself last night and couldn't believe it. It had been really depressing to go to the doctor each week and see a number that is higher than Mike's, even though I know it was natural and good for the baby. But when I outweighed him by a good 10-15 pounds-- weighing in at 201 at my last appointment the day I was induced-- I wasn't feeling so hot about the number on the scale. So last night when I got on my personal scale and it was 178, I was pretty happy!
--I'm a total idiot. Michaela's cord stump fell off the other day and we couldn't find it. I wasn't convinced we should save it forever, but I at least wanted to try to find it and look at it, because I love weird shit like that. Well, we couldn't find it. Today, I took the dog outside to go to the bathroom and saw what looked like a pincher bug on his coat. I flicked it away with my fingers into some bushes, and it dawned on me about .0001 seconds after I flicked it that it wasn't a pincher bug, it was Michaela's cord stump. Oops.
--Mike is a great dad, but he's terrible at getting up in the middle of the night. And he never moves as quickly as I want, which is frustrating, especially when I'm short on sleep.
--I woke up last night with my bra and sheets soaked. Totally soaked. The pads didn't help. I wonder if it's because I have really big nipples? The lactation consultant said I had two nipples that became one, so I need larger flanges for the breast pump. Seems like it'd make sense, then, that I'd probably need larger pads, though they don't come in different sizes.
--I have already lost 23 pounds. I weighed myself last night and couldn't believe it. It had been really depressing to go to the doctor each week and see a number that is higher than Mike's, even though I know it was natural and good for the baby. But when I outweighed him by a good 10-15 pounds-- weighing in at 201 at my last appointment the day I was induced-- I wasn't feeling so hot about the number on the scale. So last night when I got on my personal scale and it was 178, I was pretty happy!
--I'm a total idiot. Michaela's cord stump fell off the other day and we couldn't find it. I wasn't convinced we should save it forever, but I at least wanted to try to find it and look at it, because I love weird shit like that. Well, we couldn't find it. Today, I took the dog outside to go to the bathroom and saw what looked like a pincher bug on his coat. I flicked it away with my fingers into some bushes, and it dawned on me about .0001 seconds after I flicked it that it wasn't a pincher bug, it was Michaela's cord stump. Oops.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Stream of Consciousness
A lot has happened since I last wrote. I was induced and had the baby-- a great story I'll come back to tell in another post. In the meantime, I wanted to jot down a few thoughts so they wouldn't get lost in a fog of sleep deprivation.
--My new job. The benefits situation is all fucked up. Cobra through my old job is nearly $850/month for me and the baby. That doesn't include Mike, who is another couple of hundred bucks through his Cobra. Oy. Also, the 30-day maternity leave (since I'm not eligible for FMLA) is 30 days, not 30 work days, and so far, I've been told that it starts the day I had the baby. Given that this is December, and between this month and January, there are a lot of holidays I would normally have off anyway, I'm not thrilled about "losing" those days. My boss is pressing for an answer, though, and I am trying to be hopeful.
--Similarly, the thought of having to go back to work after only 30 days is killing me. I'm trying to remind myself, though, that even though I would have had more time off at my old job, eventually I would have had to go back and do the long commute and that would be excruciating as well.
--I'm soooooo tired. But sort of not tired. I don't think this is sustainable and I'll crash at some point, but right now, I'm tired but manage to keep it up throughout the day and then to get up multiple times at night.
--The baby is adorable. I'm in love with her like I've never loved anything or anyone else before. The love I have for her is totally different than my love for Mike. She has had some issues with jaundice, since she's technically a preemie (born at 36 weeks, not 37 or 40), and seeing her under the bili lights and having to get her heel stuck for blood tests every day is killing me. I know she will be okay, and it's good to get this taken care of, but it's so hard!
--Speaking of hard: breastfeeding. My goodness. The frustration was incredible. I cried and cried and cried the first several days, due to the breastfeeding situation and the jaundice situation. One night in the beginning, when I was in the newborn nursery-- I had to go there every 2-3 hours to take her off the bili light machine so I could feed Michaela-- I just said, "fuck it" and gave her a bottle with formula in it rather than continue to struggle to breastfeed her. It was a watershed moment. I felt so relieved, like all of the pressure was off me. I could give my baby what she needed, even if it didn't come from my boobs, and that's what was most important. The next day a really great lactation consultant came to my room and worked with me and I had more success, though it's still slow going. Michaela (that's how we ended up spelling it, which is another funny story) latches on but gets really tired and doesn't like to suck for very long. Not good when you need a lot of protein to bind to the bilirubin to make your jaundice go away. So we were supplementing her with formula, first out of a tube and syringe (so painful) and later (now) breast milk out of a bottle.
--I always sort of wondered how I'd know things like, how will I know when/how to push and how will I know if my milk came in. The labor front was amazing, my body did what it was meant to do. I got to a certain point where I felt all this pressure and said to Mike and the nurse, "I have to start pushing." And I did. On the milk front, it's very clear my milk is in because I'm like a Holstein cow! I have so much milk! My plan is that if breastfeeding doesn't work out (I have an appointment in 2 weeks with another lactation consultant, but am going to try to move that up to be sooner), I will just continue to pump and feed the baby out of a bottle. That's also nice because then Mike can do some of the middle-of-the-night feedings. :)
--Mike is, as I expected, an amazing father. He has a great touch with Michaela. When we were at the hospital, nurses would constantly tell me how impressed they were with him and how good he is with the baby. I told everyone he's the primary and I'm the secondary caregiver.
--I'm a pretty good mom, I think. I'm still a little hesitant on some things and unskilled on others (like putting the baby's clothes on, or getting her in/out of the car seat), but I will get better. And I'm not sure that anyone loves her more than I do, and that counts for something, right?
--I was in the hospital for six days. Six days. Now I'm totally confused about what date it is. I know Christmas is right around the corner, but we've decided to skip it this year. No time or energy to drag out the decorations and no interest in lugging the baby to the crowded malls to buy gifts for people which they probably won't get in time for the holidays, anyway, since so much family lives far away.
--My friends and family are awesome. They have all been so supportive, calling and texting and emailing and sending messages of love and congratulations and encouragement through Facebook. I have a core group of girl friends who have kids and they have been especially great, but it's not just other moms. Everyone has been wonderful!
--Mike and I went to lunch today at a restaurant where I went with his mom, when she was in town, about 10 days ago. I couldn't get over how crazy it is that 10 days ago, I was still pregnant, still a month away from having the baby, and his mom was here. Now, 10 days later, his mom is back in Colorado and I'm a mom. Wow.
Lots of other emotions and random tidbits to share, but I'm happy to have gotten these things out.
--My new job. The benefits situation is all fucked up. Cobra through my old job is nearly $850/month for me and the baby. That doesn't include Mike, who is another couple of hundred bucks through his Cobra. Oy. Also, the 30-day maternity leave (since I'm not eligible for FMLA) is 30 days, not 30 work days, and so far, I've been told that it starts the day I had the baby. Given that this is December, and between this month and January, there are a lot of holidays I would normally have off anyway, I'm not thrilled about "losing" those days. My boss is pressing for an answer, though, and I am trying to be hopeful.
--Similarly, the thought of having to go back to work after only 30 days is killing me. I'm trying to remind myself, though, that even though I would have had more time off at my old job, eventually I would have had to go back and do the long commute and that would be excruciating as well.
--I'm soooooo tired. But sort of not tired. I don't think this is sustainable and I'll crash at some point, but right now, I'm tired but manage to keep it up throughout the day and then to get up multiple times at night.
--The baby is adorable. I'm in love with her like I've never loved anything or anyone else before. The love I have for her is totally different than my love for Mike. She has had some issues with jaundice, since she's technically a preemie (born at 36 weeks, not 37 or 40), and seeing her under the bili lights and having to get her heel stuck for blood tests every day is killing me. I know she will be okay, and it's good to get this taken care of, but it's so hard!
--Speaking of hard: breastfeeding. My goodness. The frustration was incredible. I cried and cried and cried the first several days, due to the breastfeeding situation and the jaundice situation. One night in the beginning, when I was in the newborn nursery-- I had to go there every 2-3 hours to take her off the bili light machine so I could feed Michaela-- I just said, "fuck it" and gave her a bottle with formula in it rather than continue to struggle to breastfeed her. It was a watershed moment. I felt so relieved, like all of the pressure was off me. I could give my baby what she needed, even if it didn't come from my boobs, and that's what was most important. The next day a really great lactation consultant came to my room and worked with me and I had more success, though it's still slow going. Michaela (that's how we ended up spelling it, which is another funny story) latches on but gets really tired and doesn't like to suck for very long. Not good when you need a lot of protein to bind to the bilirubin to make your jaundice go away. So we were supplementing her with formula, first out of a tube and syringe (so painful) and later (now) breast milk out of a bottle.
--I always sort of wondered how I'd know things like, how will I know when/how to push and how will I know if my milk came in. The labor front was amazing, my body did what it was meant to do. I got to a certain point where I felt all this pressure and said to Mike and the nurse, "I have to start pushing." And I did. On the milk front, it's very clear my milk is in because I'm like a Holstein cow! I have so much milk! My plan is that if breastfeeding doesn't work out (I have an appointment in 2 weeks with another lactation consultant, but am going to try to move that up to be sooner), I will just continue to pump and feed the baby out of a bottle. That's also nice because then Mike can do some of the middle-of-the-night feedings. :)
--Mike is, as I expected, an amazing father. He has a great touch with Michaela. When we were at the hospital, nurses would constantly tell me how impressed they were with him and how good he is with the baby. I told everyone he's the primary and I'm the secondary caregiver.
--I'm a pretty good mom, I think. I'm still a little hesitant on some things and unskilled on others (like putting the baby's clothes on, or getting her in/out of the car seat), but I will get better. And I'm not sure that anyone loves her more than I do, and that counts for something, right?
--I was in the hospital for six days. Six days. Now I'm totally confused about what date it is. I know Christmas is right around the corner, but we've decided to skip it this year. No time or energy to drag out the decorations and no interest in lugging the baby to the crowded malls to buy gifts for people which they probably won't get in time for the holidays, anyway, since so much family lives far away.
--My friends and family are awesome. They have all been so supportive, calling and texting and emailing and sending messages of love and congratulations and encouragement through Facebook. I have a core group of girl friends who have kids and they have been especially great, but it's not just other moms. Everyone has been wonderful!
--Mike and I went to lunch today at a restaurant where I went with his mom, when she was in town, about 10 days ago. I couldn't get over how crazy it is that 10 days ago, I was still pregnant, still a month away from having the baby, and his mom was here. Now, 10 days later, his mom is back in Colorado and I'm a mom. Wow.
Lots of other emotions and random tidbits to share, but I'm happy to have gotten these things out.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Labor and Delivery Triage
So tonight Mike and I got to visit Labor and Delivery Triage. I hadn't felt well all day, was just a little off. I went to bed with socks on last night and when I woke up this morning, my left leg had swollen so much that the sock constricted my circulation and left a deep line. My feet look like hooves. My hands are porky. I had a slight headache (like a sinus headache), though that went away, and it was really uncomfortable to sit down all day due to pain in my left side. Later in the day, my lower back started to hurt and I started to feel a good amount of balling up in my stomach.
We went to our childbirth class tonight and I had to get up in the middle of it to go to the bathroom. All of a sudden, my stomach started hurting and I knew I had to poo. I ended up being in the bathroom so long Mike actually got up and came into the ladides' room to make sure I was okay. I was, but that sealed it for me-- time to go to L&D Triage.
Registering once we got there was easy, though we had to wait a little bit before I actually got any attention. I was taken to an exam room, put on a fetal heart rate monitor and blood pressure cuff. Took off my pants so they could do an internal exam to check my cervix. Drank some water so they could do a urine test to look at protein and sugar in my pee, plus check for a urinary tract infection.
It turns out I was having contractions about every 10 minutes. My blood pressure looked pretty good-- higher than during the NSTs, but low for me-- and the baby's heart was doing fine. My cervix is soft, the doctor said, but still high; she also said I will probably deliver early, though she wouldn't commit to how early. She said to think of what I was feeling today as my baseline; anything more than this means I'm getting closer to popping.
It was good practice to go tonight and to get to know what to expect. Mike was fabulous, as expected. He's going to be a great dad. So now we just wait and see when Poppy wants to make her appearance in the world.
We went to our childbirth class tonight and I had to get up in the middle of it to go to the bathroom. All of a sudden, my stomach started hurting and I knew I had to poo. I ended up being in the bathroom so long Mike actually got up and came into the ladides' room to make sure I was okay. I was, but that sealed it for me-- time to go to L&D Triage.
Registering once we got there was easy, though we had to wait a little bit before I actually got any attention. I was taken to an exam room, put on a fetal heart rate monitor and blood pressure cuff. Took off my pants so they could do an internal exam to check my cervix. Drank some water so they could do a urine test to look at protein and sugar in my pee, plus check for a urinary tract infection.
It turns out I was having contractions about every 10 minutes. My blood pressure looked pretty good-- higher than during the NSTs, but low for me-- and the baby's heart was doing fine. My cervix is soft, the doctor said, but still high; she also said I will probably deliver early, though she wouldn't commit to how early. She said to think of what I was feeling today as my baseline; anything more than this means I'm getting closer to popping.
It was good practice to go tonight and to get to know what to expect. Mike was fabulous, as expected. He's going to be a great dad. So now we just wait and see when Poppy wants to make her appearance in the world.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
New things to worry about
So I went in for my 1st non-stress test (NST) the other day. I actually found the test very relaxing. I laid there, they had monitors on the baby's heart and on my blood pressure, and they fed me ice chips to get the baby to move around. Mike went with me, which was nice, and they did another (though low-tech) ultrasound to check the fluid around the baby.
The nurse had a little card with my info on it, including the reason for my being there. As far as I knew going in, I am having 2 NSTs/week because of my high blood pressure. Imagine my surprise, then, to see "velamentous insertion" written on the card next to hypertension. I remembered one of the ultrasound techs saying something about the cord being attached on the side, but the tech didn't make a big deal out of it and my OB didn't make a big deal out of it, so it didn't really occur to me to be worried about it. That is, not until I got home and googled the condition.
Here's what I found: In velamentous insertion, the cord is not connected to the placental plate, and its vessels travel between the membranes before attaching eccentrically to the placenta. It happens in 1.1% in singleton pregnancies and 8.7% of twins.
Associated anomalies are found in 5.9-8.5% of cases. These include:
* Esophageal atresia.
* Obstructive uropathies.
* Congenital hip dislocation.
* Asymmetrical head shape.
* Spina bifida.
* Ventricular septal defects.
* Single umbilical artery.
* Bilobate placenta.
* Trisomy 21.
Yes, lots of good things. I immediately freaked out and sent a note to my doctor. I acknowledged in the note that I would image the genetic screening I went through would have identified some of those issues (like the trisomy 21) and that the monitoring with ultrasounds would have identified others (like asymmetrical head shape), but that I was concerned nonetheless and did I need to be? She wrote back that it's actually a common problem that doesn't generally cause issues and that the previous testing would have caught things. She said that the biggest issue with the condition is the baby not growing well, which obviously isn't a problem with my ginmormous Poppy. Her closing line? "Try not to worry."
Ah, yes. Try not to worry. Easier said than done.
I will say, though, that it's too late to do anything (as in terminate the pregnancy) if the baby did have some sort of problem and all I can do at this point is move forward. She has a strong heartbeat, has been kicking like crazy, looks fine (but big) on the ultrasounds. I have to hope things are fine. And soon enough, I'll find out for sure.
The other interesting thing that came out of my NST is that apparently I'm having a lot of contractions. The nurse said my uterus is "very active" and when another, different nurse saw the results of my monitoring, she commented on the contractions, too. They said if I feel 4+ contractions in an hour or the baby balling up or anything, that I need to go to Labor and Delivery triage immediately. That, of course, brought me right back to my concern about not knowing what exactly a contraction feels like. I've been thinking I'm having Braxton Hicks (and maybe this proves that I am?), but I'm not quite sure. So when I go in tomorrow, I am going to try to ask some more specific questions about what I should be feeling for. My plan up until this point has been unless something hurts or is incredibly, super uncomfortable, to assume I'm fine and not worry about it. Seems like that worked for most of human history, so it must be okay now, too, right?
The nurse had a little card with my info on it, including the reason for my being there. As far as I knew going in, I am having 2 NSTs/week because of my high blood pressure. Imagine my surprise, then, to see "velamentous insertion" written on the card next to hypertension. I remembered one of the ultrasound techs saying something about the cord being attached on the side, but the tech didn't make a big deal out of it and my OB didn't make a big deal out of it, so it didn't really occur to me to be worried about it. That is, not until I got home and googled the condition.
Here's what I found: In velamentous insertion, the cord is not connected to the placental plate, and its vessels travel between the membranes before attaching eccentrically to the placenta. It happens in 1.1% in singleton pregnancies and 8.7% of twins.
Associated anomalies are found in 5.9-8.5% of cases. These include:
* Esophageal atresia.
* Obstructive uropathies.
* Congenital hip dislocation.
* Asymmetrical head shape.
* Spina bifida.
* Ventricular septal defects.
* Single umbilical artery.
* Bilobate placenta.
* Trisomy 21.
Yes, lots of good things. I immediately freaked out and sent a note to my doctor. I acknowledged in the note that I would image the genetic screening I went through would have identified some of those issues (like the trisomy 21) and that the monitoring with ultrasounds would have identified others (like asymmetrical head shape), but that I was concerned nonetheless and did I need to be? She wrote back that it's actually a common problem that doesn't generally cause issues and that the previous testing would have caught things. She said that the biggest issue with the condition is the baby not growing well, which obviously isn't a problem with my ginmormous Poppy. Her closing line? "Try not to worry."
Ah, yes. Try not to worry. Easier said than done.
I will say, though, that it's too late to do anything (as in terminate the pregnancy) if the baby did have some sort of problem and all I can do at this point is move forward. She has a strong heartbeat, has been kicking like crazy, looks fine (but big) on the ultrasounds. I have to hope things are fine. And soon enough, I'll find out for sure.
The other interesting thing that came out of my NST is that apparently I'm having a lot of contractions. The nurse said my uterus is "very active" and when another, different nurse saw the results of my monitoring, she commented on the contractions, too. They said if I feel 4+ contractions in an hour or the baby balling up or anything, that I need to go to Labor and Delivery triage immediately. That, of course, brought me right back to my concern about not knowing what exactly a contraction feels like. I've been thinking I'm having Braxton Hicks (and maybe this proves that I am?), but I'm not quite sure. So when I go in tomorrow, I am going to try to ask some more specific questions about what I should be feeling for. My plan up until this point has been unless something hurts or is incredibly, super uncomfortable, to assume I'm fine and not worry about it. Seems like that worked for most of human history, so it must be okay now, too, right?
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