Happy Turkey Day

Mike and I have a lot to be thankful for, in general, and even more so this year. We're thankful that we have great friends and wonderful, supportive families. We're thankful that each of us has been able to find work that is fulfilling and relatively family-friends. We're thankful that we are in good health and that those we love are, too. And, of course, we're thankful for the exciting journey to parenthood we're on. It's very exciting to think that at this time next year, our family will be bigger by one and that our hopefully healthy and happy little girl will get to celebrate her first Turkey Day with us.

I haven't been feeling too well today. Woke up at about 9 and cleaned off and on for about two hours. Then I was bushed. My back hurts a little bit, my hands and feet are a little swollen, and my joints feel very stiff. I can see how it gets harder and harder as you get closer and closer to 40 weeks.

But today is a day to focus on what we have and what we're thankful for, and I'm trying to concentrate on all the wonderful elements of my life that are way more important than some little aches and pains. Happy Thanksgiving!

Pooped

Lately, I've been feeling really fatigued again. I go to bed but have a hard time sleeping, then finally fall asleep (getting up a few times each night to pee). When it's time to wake up in the morning, I feel pooped, and by the end of the day, all I want to do is lay in bed. Walking around or doing any sort of activity-- sometimes even just standing for a few minutes-- tires me out to no end. I don't like it. I've been taking my prenatal vitamins, so I'm not sure what it might be. Have a doctor's appointment on Friday, so I'll ask my OB then.

One thing I've definitely decided is that if I had this to do again, I would start exercising at the beginning of pregnancy. I think building up my stamina and developing my lung capacity and muscles would be really helpful in carrying a child. I guess that's a lesson for next time (if there is a next time, that is).

Still here

I'm still here, it's just that nothing too exciting is going on. Work is good, and I'm so happy to not have to drive so far every day. I 'm feeling okay (except for the awful rash I break out in when I get too hot-- ugh) and the baby is moving as usual. My blood pressure is a little high, but not too high. We picked up a crib the other day from some friends who kindly gave us theirs. The baby's room is on on the verge of being on the verge of ready to be painted. Mike is working hard on the renovations in the rest of the house. So things are good!

How do I hold this thing?

Earlier this week, a friend of Mike's stopped by. She has a 6-month old daughter and very kindly gave us a bunch of stuff (seriously, a lot, including two swings a co-sleeper thing, a breast pump, etc.). Mike needed to show her something in the garage, so the friend asked if I wanted to hold her daughter.

The thing about it is, is that I haven't really ever been around babies. I don't really know how to hold them and I'm always really nervous because I would have to drop the baby or hurt it in some way. I know I'll be okay when it's my own baby (the whole "you break it, you buy it" thing; well, I already own the baby), but when it's someone else's, I just feel weird. I was holding the baby fine, sitting in my glider and rocking her a little bit, but when the mom came back in and I needed to hand the baby over, I didn't know where to hold the baby that the mom could still grab her. I had the baby under her arms, but that's where I would grab the baby if I were taking her from someone, so it was awkward to me. The mom just grabbed the baby like a football and got her all settled away, but I was embarrassed. It was clear I had no idea what I'm doing-- Mike commented on it afterward, and I'm sure the mom noticed.

I am giving myself permission to be awkward and to be embarrassed because my baby isn't here yet and I know I have a lot to learn. But I'm really counting on my maternal instinct kick in soon!

Reflecting on showers

Friday was my last day at work. Thursday, the people there threw me a shower. I was totally surprised and absolutely blown away by their generosity. Poppy came out of the shower with A TON of clothes and with some blankets, toys, bath products, etc. It was really amazing. I'm going to miss that place (and those people) very much, but I'm excited to not have to do the drive anymore and to start settling into the new routine.

Went to a baby shower yesterday for a friend I've known since junior high. It was lovely. Wonderful decorations and food and company. It made me excited for my shower (which is coming up!), but also allowed me to reflect on how cool it is that my kid and her kids (she's having twins) are going to be friends. My parents don't have couple friends, and even individually, neither of them had friends from longstanding relationships like that, so I never got to have "play cousins" or whatever you want to call them.

I am feeling surprisingly calm about the birthing process itself, and mainly full of excitement about the time that Poppy is actually here and all of the great things that are ahead of us.

I want my baby back, baby back, baby back....

No, not really. I just want MY ribs to feel better! They still hurt, especially my right side. The pain was excruciating this Sunday. I woke up and felt okay, but think I hopped out of bed too quickly and tweaked something, because for the rest of the day, I was in agony. I noticed today they're feeling a lot better than they were, though there are still some twinges of pain.

When I was at the OB this morning, I asked about the pain and she said (as I thought), it was just residual muscle strain from when I had the flu. She said the things we'd normally do to make it better-- Advil, Motrin, etc.-- are off limits because of the pregnancy, and basically, I need to grin and bear it. Which I have been doing as best I can.

In other news, my fundus is measuring 31-32 weeks, so she's sticking with her "the baby is big, we're not changing your EDD" policy. Also, I got my H1N1 vaccine today. Anything to keep from getting another round of the flu! (And never mind how much worse it would be if I picked up swine flu somewhere!). The baby is not, as I feared, transverse; she's head down. Thank goodness for that.

The big mass I've been feeling on the right side, under my (painful) ribs is the baby's rump. Good to know.

I am at a point now where I need to go in for appointments every 2 weeks, and, on top of that, I will start going in for non-stress tests twice a week at 34 weeks. I'm so thankful I'll be working in the same city as my doctor. I don't know what I would have done if I'd needed to do that while working 100 miles away.

Hard to believe we're getting so close! We still have so much to do...

"Like menstrual cramps"

People have told me, and I've read, that contractions (little ones, at least) are like really bad menstrual cramps. The wisdom usually goes like this, "oh, you'll know when you're having a contraction. It's like a really bad cramp when you have your period!" Here's the thing, people. I never had regular periods. That's where the whole "I didn't think I could get pregnant" thing came from. And the periods I did have were usually tame (and often times very short). No cramps. Maybe the occasional back ache, but that was about it. So all these "really bad cramp" analogies aren't doing it for me. Sure, at a certain point, I'll know I'm having a contracting. But in the meantime, I'm drawing a blank.

Misc.

I've been feeling what I think are Braxton Hicks contractions. Interesting. I need to ask the OB about them next week, but the childbirth class teacher said what I described sounds like Braxton Hicks.

Childbirth class is... interesting. I'm learning, and it's helpful for me to listen to the teacher, jot down notes in the book, and practice. Mike is bored out of his mind and would prefer to have all the info summarized in a short (20-30 minutes) session rather than a long (2 hour) one. I do agree with him that the class could be tighter and that our instructor is pretty weird. But I think you have to be weird to teach childbirth.

We watched a childbirth video tonight. Fortunately, it was tame. No crotch shots. Thank goodness. I was worried. It turned out to be like a shortened version of "A Baby Story." Phew.

My best friend is 12 weeks pregnant with twins! She called me yesterday with the happy news. I'm excited for her and her hubby, shocked by the twins news (can't imagine how shocked she must be!), and also a little sad that they live so far away that I won't get to be super involved in going shopping with her, etc. But she's coming out for my shower in December and I will throw one for her when she's closer. Lots of babies!

"No worries"

So the ultrasound. Apparently I didn't drink the water early enough so they had a hard time looking at my cervix and had to use the dildo cam. The baby looks good-- had her hands in front of her face, boxer style. Put 'em up! But she's big. Or I'm further along by 3-4 weeks than they thought based on my 8 week ultrasound.

I emailed my doctor to ask what she thought. Her reply was actually really nice. (I always am self conscious about bothering her, which I know is stupid, but still.) It began with "no worries." She went on to say the baby is just big, that the 8 week ultrasound is waaaay more accurate than this and that they're not going to move my due date and that I don't need to be freaked out about possibly delivering about a month earlier than we'd planned. She also said that my high blood pressure could have made the baby smaller, but that it's not the case and I should be happy about that. And I don't have gestational diabetes, so the baby isn't big because of that. So I'm going to stick with her advice and focus on "no worries."

Another ultrasound

The one good thing about being a "high risk" pregnancy (because of my blood pressure) is that we get an extra ultrasound to make sure the baby is growing appropriately. Tomorrow morning is our growth scan, and Mike and I are both really excited to see how big Poppy has gotten. I'm nervous, of course. I have fears that one of her limbs will have fallen off or that something's going to be wrong. I guess that's just part of being a mom. She's been actively kicking me, her heartbeat has sounded good each time I've been to the doctor, etc. So hopefully tomorrow we'll find that everything is okay and I can stop worrying. For now. ;)

Pain in my side

I am slowly but surely getting over my illness. I still am coughing sometimes, and have an alternatively runny/stuffy nose. The worst part is the pain I have in my ribs. I've done so much coughing over the last two weeks that the muscles around my ribs are really sore. Let me tell you, you don't realize how much your ribs (and the muscles) do until they're really sore. Any kind of movement, any twisting motion of my spine, any bending... When I lay down in bed, it hurts to roll over onto my side. When I get up, it hurts to pull myself into a seated/standing position. Mike woke me up in the middle of the night last night, asking if I was okay because I'd been moaning in my sleep. It hurts that much. I'd like to take the Tylenol with codeine they gave me, because that would at least make it easier to sleep, but I have Poppy to consider. (I have been wondering what life is like for her in my womb given all the coughing. I'm sure she notices it!) So instead I'll moan and cry and cringe in pain and hope it gets better soon.