Cramping?

I was scared when Rey humped on my belly, but that was nothing compared to this morning. I was driving to work and I started feeling a lot of discomfort in my abdomen an pain in my lower back.

I've never really had my period on a regular basis, so I'm never really sure what menstrual cramps feel like, but when I have had discomfort during my period, it's usually pain in my back. Now, given that all of the books I've read talk about menstrual cramp-like cramps being one of the signs of miscarriage, I got really freaked out. REALLY FREAKED OUT. Crying, pull off the freeway freaked out.

Mike and I talked and he gave me the old, "don't worry yourself sick" line, which didn't help at all. I realize that worrying doesn't help, but I can't just shut off my worry button. He suggested I call the nurse advice line, but I wasn't able to pinpoint or really describe the pains to Mike, so I knew I wouldn't do any better with the nurse and there wouldn't be anything he/she could do. Also, I know that before 20 weeks, the fetus isn't really viable, so it's not like they can deliver the baby and try to kep it alive in the NICU; they just have to let it go.

Instead of calling the nurse, I called Dr. Mom, a friend (who is not a doctor) who has been my guiding light and a huge source of information to me throughout this pregnancy. She also told me to calm down and suggested a whole list of other things it could be besides miscarriage. She suggested I go home, lay down, and put a warm cloth or heating pad (on low) on my back. I'd already decided to go home and so that's what I did.

As I type this, I'm propped up in bed. I have a pillow under my knees and am contemplating trying to find my heating pad. I put in a call to my boss to explain to him that I'm not coming in today so I can be close to the hospital, just in case, and I think he'll be understanding. My stomach isn't having discomfort anymore, and the pain is my back has dulled. I'm sure things will be fine, but it was very scary.

I am excited about this pregnancy and happy to be having a baby, but I didn't realize exactly how excited and how happy until I had this scare. I put my hand on my belly and said, "Poppy, you have to stay in there!" Hopefully Poppy will oblige.

The latest

Wow, it's been more than a week since I last wrote. Where does the time go? The scary thing is that it's going to go even faster once I have the baby!

I've noticed lately that my feet swell-- A LOT -- if I stand too much. At the end of the day, a couple of days ago, I looked down and my feet looked like sausages. Gross! I showed them to Mike, who commented on my cankles. Yup, I'd swollen p so much that my ankles had disappeared and started to blend into my calves. I'm trying to do a better job now of sitting more often and of elevating my feet.

One good thing that's come of all of this is that I feel pretty good about being bigger. I definitely am getting bigger and heavier, and sometimes I get a little down about it, but I also am happy and proud of my pregnant belly, which is home to a little person. I am surprised by it, actually. I have a maternity camisole and I feel pretty comfortable just wearing it around, even though it is form fitting and shows off my belly. Actually, I like it because it is form fitting and shows off my belly!

Sleep has gone by the wayside. Well, good sleep has, anyway. I get up frequently and get up a lot each night. Sometimes I feel exhausted but can't quite get to sleep, or I finally get to sleep but wake up a little bit later and can't go back to sleep. I took a nap at work the other day; balled up my jacket, laid on the floor under my desk, and woke up 25 minutes later when my phone started ringing. God, it was great.

I'm trying to stay hydrated but not doing that great of a job. I am procrastinating on starting to take my prenatal vitamins again, and instead keep taking my adult gummy vitamins. I haven't been eating particularly well, either. But I'm chugging along, and so is Poppy.

Near faint

It's summer. It's hot. Mike and I went to breakfast this morning, then stopped at some friends' house to see their new car. That entailed standing outside for a few minutes, but I tried to stay in the shade under a tree. We were heading to our next stop when we saw an old friend and pulled over to say hi. After talking for a few minutes, I started getting the strangest sensation.

I started seeing stars. My ears clogged up-- it was like trying to listen underwater. I felt really warm and weak and woozy. It was like I was on the verge of fainting. I told Mike and he hustled me to the car, put the A/C on full blast and ran to the store across the street to get me a big bottle of cold water. Once I sat down and caught my breath (I didn't feel it at the time, but I was having a sort of hard time breathing), I started feeling better, and once the air was one me, it was even better. The water also helped. My only thought was that I started to get a little heat exhaustion and/or dehydration and that my body was letting me know I needed to take it a little easier and drink some more fluids.

It was weird and it was scary. I'm so thankful we were close to the car (as opposed to across a big parking lot) and that there was a place with cold water nearby. It definitely was a reminder to take better care of myself-- and of Poppy-- in this hot summer weather.

Pain update

I didn't go tot he doctor on Tuesday. I also didn't go on Wednesday, though it started to hurt when I walked, too. I noticed that the pain definitely gets worse in the evenings, maybe because I've been moving around all day?

I was working from home today, so I decided I'd call the doctor and see if they thought I should go in. The bad thing about working 90 miles from home is that you're also 90 miles from your doctor, so spur of the moment appointments aren't that convenient.

Talked to the nurse, who asked me to describe the location pain. She asked me various questions (are you having spotting? how much water are you drinking? how would you rate the pain on a scale of 1-10?), relayed my answers to the doctor, and then relayed the doctor's wisdom to me. The result? Just as I suspected, it sounds like round ligament pain. I can take Tylenol for the pain if I want/need. I should drink more water. I should wear flat shoes. I should roll onto my side before getting up from laying down. I should cradle my belly when standing up from sitting. The last three of these things I've already been doing.

I was sure it was probably nothing but wanted to make sure they thought so, too, and I'm glad that was confirmed for me. The scary thing is that Poppy is going to keep getting bigger, which will make my uterus bigger and heavier, which will stretch the ligaments even more... .so this is probably something I should just get used to! ouch!

To go or not to go

I have had pain off and on on the other side of my baby bump. I've assumed it's ligament pain from my uterus growing and the muscles that support it stretching. It changes sides, and normally only bothers me when I stand up from sitting or when I roll over, etc. This evening, though, it's started to hurt on both sides, all the way across the bottom of my baby bump, and it's more intense than it has been. I'm not sure what's going on, and I can't decide if I should go to the doctor (which, at this point, would have to be the ER) or not. I could also wait until tomorrow and make an appointment for urgent care.

This is very difficult, because I don't want something to be really wrong and to put it off and end up losing the baby. I also don't want to be overly anxious or make a bigger deal out of this than it is. Mostly I'm concerned because the pain has grown in area and intensity. I'll probably stay home and suck it up.

Deja Vu

This morning, upon waking, I felt as sick as I did at the height of my morning sickness. I had some breakfast and immediately felt like throwing it up, though I didn't. I hoped it would subside as I was getting dressed and doing my morning routine, but it didn't, and I ended up driving to work with a plastic bag on my lap because I was afraid I was going to puke. That hasn't happened for a long time. I got to work and still felt crappy, went to an almost two hour-long meeting and still felt gross, and then came home. I finally began feeling better about 1 p.m., thank goodness. Hopefully this is a rarity and I'll go back to feeling good most of the day (followed by feeling good all day, I hope!).

Movement

I think I felt Poppy move today. I was laying in bed when I felt a twinge in my belly. I wondered, "is that the baby?!?" before thinking, "no, it must just be a muscle spasm." But the more I thought about it, the more I thought, "no, it didn't feel like a muscle spasm." Then, later in the day, I was getting a massage (heavenly!) and the masseuse asked if I'd felt my baby move. I told her the story and she said she felt her baby's first movements at 13 weeks, so it was entirely possible.

In one episode of "Friends," Phoebe sings, "Are you in there little fetus/in nine months will you come greet us/I will buy you some Adidas." I guess my little fetus is there and moving. I'd better get some Adidas!

Telling work: check!

Monday we had our doctor's appointment, and Tuesday I'd scheduled time with my boss (the CEO) and the Director of HR to let them in on our news. I was nervous. Not because they could do anything about it at this point (hello!) and not because I didn't think they'd be excited. It was mostly because that's a big thing to tell people!

Went into my boss' office. We made small talk for a couple of minutes, then I said, "I don't know exactly how to say this, so I'll just say it. I'm pregnant!" He congratulated me and got all excited and asked me a few (non-invasive, friendly) questions. He's very Christian and loves babies, and his son and daughter-in-law are pregnant right now with what's going to be his first grandchild, so he has baby fever. He told me stories from his wife's pregnancy and offered some fatherly advice. He also said, "I know I've only met Mike once or twice, but if he has any questions or wants to talk to me, please tell him to call me!" It was a very nice offer, but one I don't see us taking him up on. Ha ha.

So that was a relief. I then headed over to HR and had the same conversation with the HR director. I was concerned because I am due to deliver before my 1 year anniversary with my employer, so I'm not eligible for FMLA immediately, but it looks like that's actually going to work in my favor (contrary to what I thought a couple of months ago). I can start on Pregnancy Disability Leave (PDL), which usually runs concurrently with FMLA, but because I'm not eligible for FMLA, I can start on my PDL and then FMLA will kick in on the day of my 1 year anniversary (nearly 4 weeks after I'm due). I can use that and then get into CFRA (California law) baby bonding time, which apparently after I've taken 2 weeks of, I can decide to then use in day or week(s)-long increments. And the HR director said she'd work with me once it gets closer to run some numbers and do some calculations and figure out how to take my time so that I continue to have company-paid insurance (normally, when you're on unpaid leave, you have to pay your own premiums) and continue to accrue PTO (which would then help stretch out my leave)!

Yesterday, Wednesday, I called my team together and told them the news. They were very happy for me and excited, and the employee I'm closest to came up to me after the meeting and said, "I didn't want to do this out there, but I'm a girl, so give me a hug!" We hugged and she asked me questions and we talked about it. She said she thought I might be pregnant. She's very observant! Another of my employees said, "The important thing is not to get stressed, so put it on us. We're here for you," which I thought was the nicest thing ever.

It feels very good to have told people and to be able to have it out in the open now. I just have to keep this bun in my oven so I don't have to tell all these people any sort of bad news.

"Aww, congrats!"

It has been so fun to see the feedback from people about our news! Mike and I each posted on Facebook-- he "Mike is going to be a dad" and I "Music and Mike and baby makes three"-- and the comments started rolling in. Lots of "congrats," lots of "you're going to be great parents," etc. It was a reminder that there are a lot of people out there who love us, and that's always nice! Our baby is so lucky!

Thump thump

We had a little mix-up at the appointment today-- turns out I wasn't set for a sonogram at all. The receptionist was supposed to give me the info and instructions to schedule an appointment with radiology at 20 weeks for my sonogram, but instead, she gave it to me and told me it was for my appointment today. I was annoyed, but what can you do?

At today's appointment, I got to see a doctor, who I really liked. She's very nice, very personable. Answered all of my questions and then some. I'll get to continue seeing her throughout the rest of my pregnancy, though she most likely won't be there for delivery.

Anyway. At today's appointment, we heard the baby's heart beat! It was ticking away strongly and quickly. Hard to believe there's a baby in my belly!

Today's appointment was the one I was waiting for, and now we can start telling people. Mike's called each of his grandmas-- in fact, he's on the phone with one as I type-- and I'll call the few friends on my list (my best friends know, and most of my other friends will get an email or will see it on Facebook).

Appointment today

Today we have our 13 week appointment. I have to drink 32 ounces of water-- no peeing!-- before the appointment so they can do an ultrasound. My poor bladder is dreading it. But I've heard that it's possible, though not likely, to tell the sex of the baby at this point, so who knows, maybe we'll get lucky. Hopefully everything will be okay and we can move forward with our plans to share the happy news with friends and family this week. More after the appointment.

Still here, and a scare

My computer's been broken for the last week, so no blogging for me. But now it's fixed and I can go back to chronicling this miracle that is pregnancy.

I'm being sarcastic, but only partially.

Today, Mike and I went to the mall (I wanted to get a pair of "fancy" Crocs so that I'd have some comfortable non-flip flops to wear at work and other non-flip flop-appropriate occasions). It's warm out, but not incredibly hot. While we were wandering around, I started feeling very, very wet "down there." I hadn't had any cramping and I figured it was probably just sweat and normal discharge, but it definitely freaked me out. "What if it's blood? What if I'm losing the baby? What if something is wrong?" All that went through my mind. I delicately explained my situation to Mike and we hustled to the ladies lounge at Nordstrom, where I lifted my dress to find... sweat and normal discharge. Phew!

The whole thing was still scary, though. I just want this baby to be healthy and to keep it in me until the appropriate time!