Last night, I continued my "friends with babies" tour and hung out with another friend from college, his wife and their 7 month old daughter. (I think I wrote that last weekend, I saw another friend from college, his wife, and their 20 month old daughter.) It was really fun to get to meet this little girl, and also nice to introduce them to Michaela. It's amazing how many of my friends have kids now! It makes me feel old, in some ways, but at the same time, I feel like I'm young to have a baby. I mean, I'm not, of course, but I look at myself in the mirror and think, "I don't look like a mom!" Except I look like me, and I am a mom, so I guess I do look like a mom.
How's that for a deep thought?
I reached out to a friend from high school last night. We have a complicated history, but I was thinking yesterday about something she did for me in high school that was very kind, and it made me want to reach out to her. She is excited to meet Michaela, and even wants me to bring her by her mom's house so her mom can meet the baby, too. I am reminded how loved I am, and how loved Michaela is.
Have I mentioned that I started a training program? C25k. Couch to 5k. I ran once this week, need to do another 2 times before Monday. I guess that leaves today, Saturday, or Sunday. Oy. But it's good for me. I'm back up, weight-wise, and I don't like it. And while I know running won't get rid of the disgusting flap of skin on my belly, it would help to lose weight before I tackle situps. Maybe I should start a fitness blog. ;)
Friday, March 19, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Life at home
Michaela weights 17 pounds, according to our home scale. She's a big girl! Mike said his mom told him that he was always in the 95th percentile of the age group above what he was in, and it seems like Michaela is in the same boat.
She has a cold right now and is really snotty. I feel bad for her. Her nose is chapped and raw, and her nasal passages are full of phlegm. The poor thing doesn't know how to blow her nose yet, so I try to suck out what I can with the nasal bulb ("snot sucker") and wipe what comes out of her nose as I see it.
The baby is going through another growth spurt and has been eating like a hungry, hungry hippo. Thank goodness for formula supplementation!
Mike and I are doing better. He says I'm over my postpartum depression. Well, he says (sarcastically), I'd be over it if I' had it. (Since I maintain that I wasn't suffering from it.) I still am not excited about sex. It still hurts and I'm just not into it. Most of the time, if I'm in bed, I prefer to be sleeping. That doesn't go over very well around here.
But things are pretty good and I'm really enjoying being a mom. Hopefully I can expand on that soon in another post.
She has a cold right now and is really snotty. I feel bad for her. Her nose is chapped and raw, and her nasal passages are full of phlegm. The poor thing doesn't know how to blow her nose yet, so I try to suck out what I can with the nasal bulb ("snot sucker") and wipe what comes out of her nose as I see it.
The baby is going through another growth spurt and has been eating like a hungry, hungry hippo. Thank goodness for formula supplementation!
Mike and I are doing better. He says I'm over my postpartum depression. Well, he says (sarcastically), I'd be over it if I' had it. (Since I maintain that I wasn't suffering from it.) I still am not excited about sex. It still hurts and I'm just not into it. Most of the time, if I'm in bed, I prefer to be sleeping. That doesn't go over very well around here.
But things are pretty good and I'm really enjoying being a mom. Hopefully I can expand on that soon in another post.
Reaction to breastfeeding
The other night, we were at a party and a friend of a friend started to feed her 20 month old daughter. The mother is a bigger lady, was wearing a t-shirt. The daughter is old enough to walk and talk.
The daughter got hungry, so the mother pulled up her (not nursing-friendly) t-shirt, almost over her head. The daughter walked over, hopped up on her mom's lap, and latched on to the mother's nipple. The whole sight was disturbing to me, in spite of several facts:
I have been trying to work on seeing breasts as a food source, not as a sexual object, and that has been working okay. Nursing is natural. For thousands of years, breastmilk was the only food babies got. Who knows how long that went on? In the U.S., they're now recommending breastfeeding for one year, and ideally, it would be two years. I'm sure in olden times, it may have been even longer than that. That said, seeing a toddler walk up to mom and ask for milk was unsettling.
Also, because breasts are a source of food, there's nothing wrong with exposing one for feeding your kid. That said, I am unused to seeing someone just take off her top. And it was a giant breast on a giant woman. In talking to Mike, he said that was what grossed him out about it, that she should have covered up (or at least worn a nursing-friendly shirt so that she wouldn't expose her belly and breasts). I told him that we wouldn't complain if someone brought out an uncovered tray of food at a restaurant, and in the end, aren't they both about getting food to the hungry? I asked him if it would have bothered him as much if the mother was thin and cute and he said no. I don't agree with that, but I understand where he was coming from.
It has been interesting (to me) to think through my reaction to all of this.
The daughter got hungry, so the mother pulled up her (not nursing-friendly) t-shirt, almost over her head. The daughter walked over, hopped up on her mom's lap, and latched on to the mother's nipple. The whole sight was disturbing to me, in spite of several facts:
I have been trying to work on seeing breasts as a food source, not as a sexual object, and that has been working okay. Nursing is natural. For thousands of years, breastmilk was the only food babies got. Who knows how long that went on? In the U.S., they're now recommending breastfeeding for one year, and ideally, it would be two years. I'm sure in olden times, it may have been even longer than that. That said, seeing a toddler walk up to mom and ask for milk was unsettling.
Also, because breasts are a source of food, there's nothing wrong with exposing one for feeding your kid. That said, I am unused to seeing someone just take off her top. And it was a giant breast on a giant woman. In talking to Mike, he said that was what grossed him out about it, that she should have covered up (or at least worn a nursing-friendly shirt so that she wouldn't expose her belly and breasts). I told him that we wouldn't complain if someone brought out an uncovered tray of food at a restaurant, and in the end, aren't they both about getting food to the hungry? I asked him if it would have bothered him as much if the mother was thin and cute and he said no. I don't agree with that, but I understand where he was coming from.
It has been interesting (to me) to think through my reaction to all of this.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Latest and greatest
Another round up post!
Michaela has started cooing! It's so cute. She is awake a lot more and is bright eyed and bushy tailed.
She's grown a lot. She is already outgrowing some of her 3 month clothes. It turns out that Carter's clothes run small.
We have been taking a lot of walks. Well, we've walked the last three days. Monday, we walked to the dog park. Tuesday, we walked to the post office. Today, we walked to Seaport Village. It's nice for all of us to go on little trips like that, not to mention that it's good for mommy's weight loss!
I am getting tired of pumping. It's scary to think that I have 9 more months to go, if I'm going to make it a full year. My boobs are tired, I'm tired of waking up in the middle of the night. Oy!
Mike's grandpa died. We Skyped with him the day before he (unexpectedly) died, which I'm very thankful for. As much as I am sad about Mike's grandpa passing-- and I really, really am-- I am more sad that it makes me think about my parents, or Mike's parents, dying. It's also now taken on a whole new dimension, which is it makes me really sad to think about Michaela having to lose her grandparents.
The other night, we stopped by my dad's house, and it was so cute to see my dad with the baby. He just loves her SO MUCH! He was making all these silly noises and faces to make Michaela smile. We finally had to tell him we needed to leave; I swear, he could have done that all day.
Michaela has started cooing! It's so cute. She is awake a lot more and is bright eyed and bushy tailed.
She's grown a lot. She is already outgrowing some of her 3 month clothes. It turns out that Carter's clothes run small.
We have been taking a lot of walks. Well, we've walked the last three days. Monday, we walked to the dog park. Tuesday, we walked to the post office. Today, we walked to Seaport Village. It's nice for all of us to go on little trips like that, not to mention that it's good for mommy's weight loss!
I am getting tired of pumping. It's scary to think that I have 9 more months to go, if I'm going to make it a full year. My boobs are tired, I'm tired of waking up in the middle of the night. Oy!
Mike's grandpa died. We Skyped with him the day before he (unexpectedly) died, which I'm very thankful for. As much as I am sad about Mike's grandpa passing-- and I really, really am-- I am more sad that it makes me think about my parents, or Mike's parents, dying. It's also now taken on a whole new dimension, which is it makes me really sad to think about Michaela having to lose her grandparents.
The other night, we stopped by my dad's house, and it was so cute to see my dad with the baby. He just loves her SO MUCH! He was making all these silly noises and faces to make Michaela smile. We finally had to tell him we needed to leave; I swear, he could have done that all day.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Leavin' on a jet plane
So I had to go to Sacramento for work, starting Monday. I knew I would have a hard time with it, given I teared up when I left the baby with Mike's mom while she was visiting, but I didn't think it would be quite as hard as it has been. This is the first time I've left Michaela for more than a few hours!
I put Michaela in her carseat, but she was sleeping and didn't wake up. I was glad, because I didn't want to wake her up and make her unhappy, but I was sad because I would have enjoyed seeing her open eyes and being able to hold her a little bit. When Mike and Michaela dropped me off at the airport, I teared up as they were going away.
I'd been really unexcited for the trip due to the packing and traveling part of it. Breastpump + cooler full of pumped milk (on the way back) + clothes for the conference + toiletries + laptop + purse + conference materials means a lot of crap to haul around. Fortunately, Mike helped me figure out a good plan and I was able to check one giant suitcase full of clothes, breastpump and empty cooler. I carried on a small suitcase with the conference materials and my purse, and my laptop bag. It was a lot to carry around, but I didn't have to deal with explaining my breastpump to TSA's lackeys, so that was good.
Got to my hotel in Sacramento, unpacked and pumped. Did some conference activities, went to a reception. Ducked out of that early, came home and pumped. Ordered room service, took a shower, watched a little tv. I also got to talk to Mike and Michaela. Mike put me on speakerphone, so Michaela could hear me. She started crying a little bit and I told him it was because she missed me. When we got off the phone, I cried more. Mike noticed, because he called me back a little bit later. Of course, when we got off the phone the second time, the same thing happened.
I went to bed about 10 p.m. and slept until about 3 a.m., when I woke up with bursting beasts. They were so full, I was leaking. The pumping is going well, though. I have somewhere between 32 and 40 ounces put away already. When I go home, it will go in the freezer and Michaela will have milk for the next time I have to go somewhere. Hopefully that will be some time from now!
This morning, I got to talk to them a little bit, but they were at Outdoor Education class so they couldn't talk long. In the afternoon, I called my mom just to say hi, and I heard Michaela in the background. Mike had dropped her off for my mom to babysit while he did some work. I'm glad he's getting a little break from being the sole caretaker; I know I'd want one.
Hopefully tonight we'll do some video chatting. I want to see my baby!
I put Michaela in her carseat, but she was sleeping and didn't wake up. I was glad, because I didn't want to wake her up and make her unhappy, but I was sad because I would have enjoyed seeing her open eyes and being able to hold her a little bit. When Mike and Michaela dropped me off at the airport, I teared up as they were going away.
I'd been really unexcited for the trip due to the packing and traveling part of it. Breastpump + cooler full of pumped milk (on the way back) + clothes for the conference + toiletries + laptop + purse + conference materials means a lot of crap to haul around. Fortunately, Mike helped me figure out a good plan and I was able to check one giant suitcase full of clothes, breastpump and empty cooler. I carried on a small suitcase with the conference materials and my purse, and my laptop bag. It was a lot to carry around, but I didn't have to deal with explaining my breastpump to TSA's lackeys, so that was good.
Got to my hotel in Sacramento, unpacked and pumped. Did some conference activities, went to a reception. Ducked out of that early, came home and pumped. Ordered room service, took a shower, watched a little tv. I also got to talk to Mike and Michaela. Mike put me on speakerphone, so Michaela could hear me. She started crying a little bit and I told him it was because she missed me. When we got off the phone, I cried more. Mike noticed, because he called me back a little bit later. Of course, when we got off the phone the second time, the same thing happened.
I went to bed about 10 p.m. and slept until about 3 a.m., when I woke up with bursting beasts. They were so full, I was leaking. The pumping is going well, though. I have somewhere between 32 and 40 ounces put away already. When I go home, it will go in the freezer and Michaela will have milk for the next time I have to go somewhere. Hopefully that will be some time from now!
This morning, I got to talk to them a little bit, but they were at Outdoor Education class so they couldn't talk long. In the afternoon, I called my mom just to say hi, and I heard Michaela in the background. Mike had dropped her off for my mom to babysit while he did some work. I'm glad he's getting a little break from being the sole caretaker; I know I'd want one.
Hopefully tonight we'll do some video chatting. I want to see my baby!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Roundup
Well, I continue to do a bad job of updating this blog since Michaela was born. It's not intentional. In fact, it's rare that a day goes by that I don't think, "I'll have to blog about that!" Then I just don't quite get there.
Since it's been so long, this will be another roundup style post.
--Michaela is growing and growing and growing! She has little rolls of chub now and looks a bit like the Michelin Man (Girl).
--My father-in-law and step-mother-in-law are coming into town tomorrow. They're nice people and I really like them, so I'm looking forward to it. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the inevitable clash that will happen between Mike and his step-mom, who thinks he is "over-involved" with the baby and who thinks cloth diapers are weird.
--We're going to CO in April to visit Mike's grandparents. His grandpa was just diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, so we don't know how much time he will have left.
--I pumped in a hair salon yesterday, under my cape. Never thought I'd do that!
--Also on my list of things I never thought I'd do: use the word "vaginally" when talking to a former work associate. When I worked in PR, the place I worked was on this woman reporter's beat. We built a relationship once I left that place that I would describe as friendly, and now she's pregnant. We talked the other day and she was asking about my labor and delivery experience. The word "vagina" isn't a bad one, but it's not something I usually discuss with folks other than my husband and my doctor!
--Work is going well. I'm good at it, and my boss is thrilled to have me on board.
--Mike and I have had sex a few additional times since I last blogged. It's still painful for the most part, but I'm hoping that will get better. I let him touch my breasts for the first time since I had the baby. He said they were "different," but wouldn't tell me how they are different, which is driving me crazy. Oh, and yes, as I feared, I did start leaking milk. By the time we were done, each of us had it on us. It kind of grossed me out.
--My mom continues to make oddball comments that I know she doesn't mean to come out in a "I think you're a bad mom" way, but still somehow manage to. She is constantly going on about how she just holds Michaela all the time when she is babysitting. Finally I said to her, "you know, it's not like I put her in a box when I go home, or in the dog's crate. We hold her all the time, too, even if you only see us bring her over in the car seat."
--Speaking of my crazy parents, my mom finally came over for the first time last week, and only because I was desperate. I had to get on an important conference call for work and didn't have time to drop Michaela off, so my mom came over. She stayed for about a half hour and then went home. My dad still hasn't come by. Neither one of them lives more than 2 miles from my house.
--In fact, my mom watched Michaela for us last Saturday night while Mike and I went out to a friend's birthday dinner. My mom told my dad she'd have the baby, so he went over there and was excited that Michaela was awake. Before that, the only times he'd seen her, she'd been sleeping. I'm not sure why my dad can go over there to see the baby but can't come here, but I find it odd and obnoxious. Luckily, I don't take it personally. It's not about me, it's about how crazy they are.
--I'm getting really nervous about money. Mike's not working as much as I thought he would, and the baby is taking up way more time than he thought she would, so he's not able to actively seek out work int he way we'd anticipated. Meanwhile, we just finished a big, expensive renovation on part of our house, so we're taking money out of savings, but because Mike's not making much and we're living off only my income and income from the rental units, we're not putting anything away in savings. We're just drawing down our cash reserves. I'm not even saving anything for retirement right now. That is killing me.
--In spite of the above point, we're thinking more and more seriously about trying to move in a few years to some place that has better schools and opportunities for Michaela to be friends with neighborhood kids. That's not an option where we are now, unless the 'hood really changes and a lot of Yuppies like us move in.
--I've lost all of my pregnancy weight and then some, but my body has changed shape. My ribcage is bigger, I think, than it was before, because all my bras seem tight in the band. That sucks, because bras are expensive and I hate to have to buy new ones. But they're pretty darn important, so I will have to at some point.
--Every time I go to Target or to Costco, I end up buying stuff for Michaela. It's an addiction! The other day, it was a few $1 books from Target. Not too bad, but still, I shouldn't do that. Have I mentioned I'm worried about money?!?
--I leave in a few days for Sacramento for work. I've arranged to have a mini-fridge in my room to store my milk, and I'm taking a soft-sided cooler to store the milk in on the way home. I've been pumping... hmm, I'm not sure how many times a day... We're giving Michaela 8 ounces of formula a day, both to get her ready for having formula when I'm gone and so I can store some (frozen) milk for her to have while I'm gone. The other day, Michaela went through a period where she wanted the bottle in her mouth all day- really, for hours on end- but didn't eat hardly anything. That day, I was able to put away about 15 ounces of milk. Which is good because her appetite is definitely back now!
--Life is pretty good. I'm really enjoying being a mom, much more than I thought I would, though I sometimes get tired. Michaela is just wonderful and I'm actually at a point now where I've been thinking, "yes, I can have another one." But just one more!
Since it's been so long, this will be another roundup style post.
--Michaela is growing and growing and growing! She has little rolls of chub now and looks a bit like the Michelin Man (Girl).
--My father-in-law and step-mother-in-law are coming into town tomorrow. They're nice people and I really like them, so I'm looking forward to it. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the inevitable clash that will happen between Mike and his step-mom, who thinks he is "over-involved" with the baby and who thinks cloth diapers are weird.
--We're going to CO in April to visit Mike's grandparents. His grandpa was just diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, so we don't know how much time he will have left.
--I pumped in a hair salon yesterday, under my cape. Never thought I'd do that!
--Also on my list of things I never thought I'd do: use the word "vaginally" when talking to a former work associate. When I worked in PR, the place I worked was on this woman reporter's beat. We built a relationship once I left that place that I would describe as friendly, and now she's pregnant. We talked the other day and she was asking about my labor and delivery experience. The word "vagina" isn't a bad one, but it's not something I usually discuss with folks other than my husband and my doctor!
--Work is going well. I'm good at it, and my boss is thrilled to have me on board.
--Mike and I have had sex a few additional times since I last blogged. It's still painful for the most part, but I'm hoping that will get better. I let him touch my breasts for the first time since I had the baby. He said they were "different," but wouldn't tell me how they are different, which is driving me crazy. Oh, and yes, as I feared, I did start leaking milk. By the time we were done, each of us had it on us. It kind of grossed me out.
--My mom continues to make oddball comments that I know she doesn't mean to come out in a "I think you're a bad mom" way, but still somehow manage to. She is constantly going on about how she just holds Michaela all the time when she is babysitting. Finally I said to her, "you know, it's not like I put her in a box when I go home, or in the dog's crate. We hold her all the time, too, even if you only see us bring her over in the car seat."
--Speaking of my crazy parents, my mom finally came over for the first time last week, and only because I was desperate. I had to get on an important conference call for work and didn't have time to drop Michaela off, so my mom came over. She stayed for about a half hour and then went home. My dad still hasn't come by. Neither one of them lives more than 2 miles from my house.
--In fact, my mom watched Michaela for us last Saturday night while Mike and I went out to a friend's birthday dinner. My mom told my dad she'd have the baby, so he went over there and was excited that Michaela was awake. Before that, the only times he'd seen her, she'd been sleeping. I'm not sure why my dad can go over there to see the baby but can't come here, but I find it odd and obnoxious. Luckily, I don't take it personally. It's not about me, it's about how crazy they are.
--I'm getting really nervous about money. Mike's not working as much as I thought he would, and the baby is taking up way more time than he thought she would, so he's not able to actively seek out work int he way we'd anticipated. Meanwhile, we just finished a big, expensive renovation on part of our house, so we're taking money out of savings, but because Mike's not making much and we're living off only my income and income from the rental units, we're not putting anything away in savings. We're just drawing down our cash reserves. I'm not even saving anything for retirement right now. That is killing me.
--In spite of the above point, we're thinking more and more seriously about trying to move in a few years to some place that has better schools and opportunities for Michaela to be friends with neighborhood kids. That's not an option where we are now, unless the 'hood really changes and a lot of Yuppies like us move in.
--I've lost all of my pregnancy weight and then some, but my body has changed shape. My ribcage is bigger, I think, than it was before, because all my bras seem tight in the band. That sucks, because bras are expensive and I hate to have to buy new ones. But they're pretty darn important, so I will have to at some point.
--Every time I go to Target or to Costco, I end up buying stuff for Michaela. It's an addiction! The other day, it was a few $1 books from Target. Not too bad, but still, I shouldn't do that. Have I mentioned I'm worried about money?!?
--I leave in a few days for Sacramento for work. I've arranged to have a mini-fridge in my room to store my milk, and I'm taking a soft-sided cooler to store the milk in on the way home. I've been pumping... hmm, I'm not sure how many times a day... We're giving Michaela 8 ounces of formula a day, both to get her ready for having formula when I'm gone and so I can store some (frozen) milk for her to have while I'm gone. The other day, Michaela went through a period where she wanted the bottle in her mouth all day- really, for hours on end- but didn't eat hardly anything. That day, I was able to put away about 15 ounces of milk. Which is good because her appetite is definitely back now!
--Life is pretty good. I'm really enjoying being a mom, much more than I thought I would, though I sometimes get tired. Michaela is just wonderful and I'm actually at a point now where I've been thinking, "yes, I can have another one." But just one more!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Two months already
It's scary how much has happened in the weeks since I last wrote. There have been a ton of things that I've said to myself, "gotta remember to blog about that," but then I don't have time or don't make it a priority. Too bad, because I know someday I'll look back on these posts and appreciate having captured my thoughts.
Briefly, here are some more.
--Went to Michaela's two-month peds appointment yesterday and the doctor said she has a heart murmur. Not what any mom wants to hear. She said it sounds innocent and it should be fine, but she referred us to the pediatric cardiologist anyway to have an echo cardiogram.
--Michaela got her first shots. I was upset, as was she, but she did great. I feel lucky she doesn't cry much. We really have a good baby.
--She's huge! The pediatrician said she never would have known Michaela was born a month early. She's in the 97% percentile on weight, 90% percentile on length, and 75% in head size, but the doctor stressed that it's all proportionate.
--Mike and I had sex last night for the first time since the baby was born. I felt like I was being ripped apart, in spite of the fact that my OB said I am all healed up. I guess it goes without saying that the sex wasn't that great for me.
--Mike and I had been fighting for weeks on end, but we seem to be in a better place now. In the thick of it, I was thinking obsessively about divorce, which friends told me would happen. But that didn't make it better.
--Work is good. I've resigned myself to having to work, so I figure I might as well make the best of it. I really like my boss and that helps, and it's nice to be at home. Actually, here's how I put it in an email a couple of weeks ago to a friend:
Being back at work sucks. Well, no, that's not fair. It's complicated. I'm trying to remind myself that this arrangement is MUCH better than my previous one in terms of what it means for my family. And that's absolutely true. This morning, I got up at 8:30, turned on my computer, and was at work. On my lunch break, I helped Mike give Michaela a bath. I'm doing laundry as I type this. All of those things are great.
On the other hand, I'm totally jealous of Mike, who will start taking Michaela to baby sign language and outdoor education classes for 0-12-month-olds next week. I'll be at my desk, working. That's really hard.
Work-wise, it's okay. I didn't ever really get my bearings before, so it's sort of like starting a new job all over again. I miss being in charge of a team (and I had a great team). This job is much more technician, in spite of my director title. But that's probably for the best, since I do want to be able to spend time with the baby without being stressed out about work.
--The baby classes are great. I have made time in my schedule to be able to go to at least one of the classes each week, and that helps me feel less jealous and less disconnected. Gotta love having a flexible schedule!
--My weight loss has plateaued. I was hoping to drop more weight, but I think I'm going to have to exercise to make that happen. Ha ha.
--I have to go to a conference in Sacramento in early March for four days. Mike and I fought about it quite a bit, because I wanted him and the baby to go along and he didn't want to, but we've decided he's not going to go. I'm actually looking forward to going and being able to sleep (even though I have to get up to pump, I won't have to do any feedings or diaper changes in the middle of the night, and I can go to bed early, I hope).
--I'll have the baby all to myself in April for a weekend. That should be interesting. And we're going to Denver to visit Mike's parents and grandparents (his grandpa was just diagnosed with cancer) later that month.
--Everything is going well. I'm really enjoying being a mom. And I love Michaela like nobody's business.
--Parents are hilarious. My mom is totally against breastfeeding. She's convinced formula is better. My favorite quote on the subject: "I know you read on the internet that breastfeeding is best, but..." As if I read it on a website that also claims Elvis is alive and living in Boca! She's also not keen on cloth diapers. But she's watched Michaela twice now and did a great job (which I never doubted), and I'm appreciative that she's willing to do it.
--Neither of my parents have been over to see the baby. If we stop by, they're happy to see her. And they always ask about her. But they haven't come over. It's really weird, even for them.
I'll end here so I can get back to work, but hope to return to a regular posting schedule soon!
Briefly, here are some more.
--Went to Michaela's two-month peds appointment yesterday and the doctor said she has a heart murmur. Not what any mom wants to hear. She said it sounds innocent and it should be fine, but she referred us to the pediatric cardiologist anyway to have an echo cardiogram.
--Michaela got her first shots. I was upset, as was she, but she did great. I feel lucky she doesn't cry much. We really have a good baby.
--She's huge! The pediatrician said she never would have known Michaela was born a month early. She's in the 97% percentile on weight, 90% percentile on length, and 75% in head size, but the doctor stressed that it's all proportionate.
--Mike and I had sex last night for the first time since the baby was born. I felt like I was being ripped apart, in spite of the fact that my OB said I am all healed up. I guess it goes without saying that the sex wasn't that great for me.
--Mike and I had been fighting for weeks on end, but we seem to be in a better place now. In the thick of it, I was thinking obsessively about divorce, which friends told me would happen. But that didn't make it better.
--Work is good. I've resigned myself to having to work, so I figure I might as well make the best of it. I really like my boss and that helps, and it's nice to be at home. Actually, here's how I put it in an email a couple of weeks ago to a friend:
Being back at work sucks. Well, no, that's not fair. It's complicated. I'm trying to remind myself that this arrangement is MUCH better than my previous one in terms of what it means for my family. And that's absolutely true. This morning, I got up at 8:30, turned on my computer, and was at work. On my lunch break, I helped Mike give Michaela a bath. I'm doing laundry as I type this. All of those things are great.
On the other hand, I'm totally jealous of Mike, who will start taking Michaela to baby sign language and outdoor education classes for 0-12-month-olds next week. I'll be at my desk, working. That's really hard.
Work-wise, it's okay. I didn't ever really get my bearings before, so it's sort of like starting a new job all over again. I miss being in charge of a team (and I had a great team). This job is much more technician, in spite of my director title. But that's probably for the best, since I do want to be able to spend time with the baby without being stressed out about work.
--The baby classes are great. I have made time in my schedule to be able to go to at least one of the classes each week, and that helps me feel less jealous and less disconnected. Gotta love having a flexible schedule!
--My weight loss has plateaued. I was hoping to drop more weight, but I think I'm going to have to exercise to make that happen. Ha ha.
--I have to go to a conference in Sacramento in early March for four days. Mike and I fought about it quite a bit, because I wanted him and the baby to go along and he didn't want to, but we've decided he's not going to go. I'm actually looking forward to going and being able to sleep (even though I have to get up to pump, I won't have to do any feedings or diaper changes in the middle of the night, and I can go to bed early, I hope).
--I'll have the baby all to myself in April for a weekend. That should be interesting. And we're going to Denver to visit Mike's parents and grandparents (his grandpa was just diagnosed with cancer) later that month.
--Everything is going well. I'm really enjoying being a mom. And I love Michaela like nobody's business.
--Parents are hilarious. My mom is totally against breastfeeding. She's convinced formula is better. My favorite quote on the subject: "I know you read on the internet that breastfeeding is best, but..." As if I read it on a website that also claims Elvis is alive and living in Boca! She's also not keen on cloth diapers. But she's watched Michaela twice now and did a great job (which I never doubted), and I'm appreciative that she's willing to do it.
--Neither of my parents have been over to see the baby. If we stop by, they're happy to see her. And they always ask about her. But they haven't come over. It's really weird, even for them.
I'll end here so I can get back to work, but hope to return to a regular posting schedule soon!
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