Two months already

It's scary how much has happened in the weeks since I last wrote. There have been a ton of things that I've said to myself, "gotta remember to blog about that," but then I don't have time or don't make it a priority. Too bad, because I know someday I'll look back on these posts and appreciate having captured my thoughts.

Briefly, here are some more.

--Went to Michaela's two-month peds appointment yesterday and the doctor said she has a heart murmur. Not what any mom wants to hear. She said it sounds innocent and it should be fine, but she referred us to the pediatric cardiologist anyway to have an echo cardiogram.

--Michaela got her first shots. I was upset, as was she, but she did great. I feel lucky she doesn't cry much. We really have a good baby.

--She's huge! The pediatrician said she never would have known Michaela was born a month early. She's in the 97% percentile on weight, 90% percentile on length, and 75% in head size, but the doctor stressed that it's all proportionate.

--Mike and I had sex last night for the first time since the baby was born. I felt like I was being ripped apart, in spite of the fact that my OB said I am all healed up. I guess it goes without saying that the sex wasn't that great for me.

--Mike and I had been fighting for weeks on end, but we seem to be in a better place now. In the thick of it, I was thinking obsessively about divorce, which friends told me would happen. But that didn't make it better.

--Work is good. I've resigned myself to having to work, so I figure I might as well make the best of it. I really like my boss and that helps, and it's nice to be at home. Actually, here's how I put it in an email a couple of weeks ago to a friend:
Being back at work sucks. Well, no, that's not fair. It's complicated. I'm trying to remind myself that this arrangement is MUCH better than my previous one in terms of what it means for my family. And that's absolutely true. This morning, I got up at 8:30, turned on my computer, and was at work. On my lunch break, I helped Mike give Michaela a bath. I'm doing laundry as I type this. All of those things are great.

On the other hand, I'm totally jealous of Mike, who will start taking Michaela to baby sign language and outdoor education classes for 0-12-month-olds next week. I'll be at my desk, working. That's really hard.

Work-wise, it's okay. I didn't ever really get my bearings before, so it's sort of like starting a new job all over again. I miss being in charge of a team (and I had a great team). This job is much more technician, in spite of my director title. But that's probably for the best, since I do want to be able to spend time with the baby without being stressed out about work.

--The baby classes are great. I have made time in my schedule to be able to go to at least one of the classes each week, and that helps me feel less jealous and less disconnected. Gotta love having a flexible schedule!

--My weight loss has plateaued. I was hoping to drop more weight, but I think I'm going to have to exercise to make that happen. Ha ha.

--I have to go to a conference in Sacramento in early March for four days. Mike and I fought about it quite a bit, because I wanted him and the baby to go along and he didn't want to, but we've decided he's not going to go. I'm actually looking forward to going and being able to sleep (even though I have to get up to pump, I won't have to do any feedings or diaper changes in the middle of the night, and I can go to bed early, I hope).

--I'll have the baby all to myself in April for a weekend. That should be interesting. And we're going to Denver to visit Mike's parents and grandparents (his grandpa was just diagnosed with cancer) later that month.

--Everything is going well. I'm really enjoying being a mom. And I love Michaela like nobody's business.

--Parents are hilarious. My mom is totally against breastfeeding. She's convinced formula is better. My favorite quote on the subject: "I know you read on the internet that breastfeeding is best, but..." As if I read it on a website that also claims Elvis is alive and living in Boca! She's also not keen on cloth diapers. But she's watched Michaela twice now and did a great job (which I never doubted), and I'm appreciative that she's willing to do it.

--Neither of my parents have been over to see the baby. If we stop by, they're happy to see her. And they always ask about her. But they haven't come over. It's really weird, even for them.

I'll end here so I can get back to work, but hope to return to a regular posting schedule soon!

Happy Turkey Day

Mike and I have a lot to be thankful for, in general, and even more so this year. We're thankful that we have great friends and wonderful, supportive families. We're thankful that each of us has been able to find work that is fulfilling and relatively family-friends. We're thankful that we are in good health and that those we love are, too. And, of course, we're thankful for the exciting journey to parenthood we're on. It's very exciting to think that at this time next year, our family will be bigger by one and that our hopefully healthy and happy little girl will get to celebrate her first Turkey Day with us.

I haven't been feeling too well today. Woke up at about 9 and cleaned off and on for about two hours. Then I was bushed. My back hurts a little bit, my hands and feet are a little swollen, and my joints feel very stiff. I can see how it gets harder and harder as you get closer and closer to 40 weeks.

But today is a day to focus on what we have and what we're thankful for, and I'm trying to concentrate on all the wonderful elements of my life that are way more important than some little aches and pains. Happy Thanksgiving!

Reflecting on showers

Friday was my last day at work. Thursday, the people there threw me a shower. I was totally surprised and absolutely blown away by their generosity. Poppy came out of the shower with A TON of clothes and with some blankets, toys, bath products, etc. It was really amazing. I'm going to miss that place (and those people) very much, but I'm excited to not have to do the drive anymore and to start settling into the new routine.

Went to a baby shower yesterday for a friend I've known since junior high. It was lovely. Wonderful decorations and food and company. It made me excited for my shower (which is coming up!), but also allowed me to reflect on how cool it is that my kid and her kids (she's having twins) are going to be friends. My parents don't have couple friends, and even individually, neither of them had friends from longstanding relationships like that, so I never got to have "play cousins" or whatever you want to call them.

I am feeling surprisingly calm about the birthing process itself, and mainly full of excitement about the time that Poppy is actually here and all of the great things that are ahead of us.

Misc.

I've been feeling what I think are Braxton Hicks contractions. Interesting. I need to ask the OB about them next week, but the childbirth class teacher said what I described sounds like Braxton Hicks.

Childbirth class is... interesting. I'm learning, and it's helpful for me to listen to the teacher, jot down notes in the book, and practice. Mike is bored out of his mind and would prefer to have all the info summarized in a short (20-30 minutes) session rather than a long (2 hour) one. I do agree with him that the class could be tighter and that our instructor is pretty weird. But I think you have to be weird to teach childbirth.

We watched a childbirth video tonight. Fortunately, it was tame. No crotch shots. Thank goodness. I was worried. It turned out to be like a shortened version of "A Baby Story." Phew.

My best friend is 12 weeks pregnant with twins! She called me yesterday with the happy news. I'm excited for her and her hubby, shocked by the twins news (can't imagine how shocked she must be!), and also a little sad that they live so far away that I won't get to be super involved in going shopping with her, etc. But she's coming out for my shower in December and I will throw one for her when she's closer. Lots of babies!

Another ultrasound

The one good thing about being a "high risk" pregnancy (because of my blood pressure) is that we get an extra ultrasound to make sure the baby is growing appropriately. Tomorrow morning is our growth scan, and Mike and I are both really excited to see how big Poppy has gotten. I'm nervous, of course. I have fears that one of her limbs will have fallen off or that something's going to be wrong. I guess that's just part of being a mom. She's been actively kicking me, her heartbeat has sounded good each time I've been to the doctor, etc. So hopefully tomorrow we'll find that everything is okay and I can stop worrying. For now. ;)

Buh-bye commute

I officially accepted the offer I got and gave notice at my job. I feel like a tremendous weight has been lifted off my shoulders. No more long commute! I counted, and with today's drive being done, I only have to make the drive 8 more times. My boss, and everyone at work, took it really well. They all basically say they will miss me, that I am a great employee/boss/colleague, and that they understand that this is the best decision for my family-- which it is.

Last night, we went to our first childbirth education class (more on that later), and as we learned about the signs of labor to watch for and what to pay attention to, I felt like I had an epiphany. "Oh my god," I thought. "I've been stupidly brave about all this!" What if something happened while I was in the middle of my drive? What if something happened while I was stuck in a traffic jam? What if I was far away (up to 90 miles) from my hospital and my husband? Of course I'd call 911 and would figure something out, and I realize labor can be a process that takes a long time, but this way I'm not tempting fate. Not to mention once the baby is born-- this way I won't have to be so far away from her if something happens. I was doing what I needed to do to keep my job and to do a good job, but as Poppy's birth gets closer and closer, it's time to stop taking chances of this type. So I'm feeling good about my decision, even as I have some apprehension about my new job and the exclusive-work-at-home arrangement that comes with it.

Misc. Updates

1) Last Friday, I got a text message from Mike that he'd gotten calls from two new clients, totally out of the blue, wanting to do a couple of shoots this weekend. One of the shoots fell through, but he did end up booking a full day of work ($900) for one of the clients-- a large, national department store chain! I told him if he was still feeling nervous about striking out on his own, he should stop right now!

2) I have a meeting with my former (and potential new) boss tomorrow. She has two positions open and I've seen one of them advertised. As far as I know, she's not advertising "mine," so I'm hoping tomorrow's coffee date will include a formal offer.

3) On the baby front... we picked out a name! There wasn't a lot of overlap in the names Mike and I liked, but I came up with a first name (Micaela or Michaela) and middle name (Lee) combination that I thought sounded good, called him and asked what he thought, and he liked it! I was totally shocked. I didn't expect our conversation would be, "what do you think about Micaela/Michaela Lee?" "I like it." "Okay, so we can go with that?" "Yeah, let's."

He likes Michaela, and I like Micaela, so we still have to deal with that. I like Leigh better than Lee, but Lee is Mike's mom's middle name and the name of my dearest (now deceased) aunt, so I think we're going with Lee.

I want to come up with at least one other option so when Poppy is born, we have something else ready to go in case she doesn't look like a Micaela/Michaela. Still, it's a big hurdle to have come up with *something*!

So excited!

When I found out I was pregnant, I was in total shock. TOTAL SHOCK. There were no words to describe how taken aback I was. I literally had spent the 15 or so years before thinking I was not going to be able to have kids (or that I'd need medical intervention if I could), and all of a sudden, BAM! I was pregnant. Say what?!?

Now that the shock has worn off, I'm just excited. Totally excited! I can't wait for Poppy to get here! I am enjoying my pregnancy more than I thought I would (and maybe more than it seems like from my complaining here), but I'm ready for it to be over with so I can meet MY DAUGHTER. How crazy is that? My daughter. Hooray for Poppy!