Mother's Day Wrap Up

I wrote this on Monday, the day after Mother's Day.

I had an absolutely wonderful mother's day. Mike treated me like a queen, and I even got a gift and a card from Michaela. I slept in, had breakfast and dinner served to me, took a walk and had a picnic lunch, luxuriated in a bubble bath mike drew for me. Not too shabby. My mom and brother called me and wished me a happy mother's day, as did my mother-in-law and her husband. I made cards for each of the great grandparents from Michaela, and those went over big. Everyone loved the pictures I used, and I personalized them with "Happy Mother's Day, Great Grandma X" on them.

I also reached out to many of my friends who are moms. I made brownies for several of the local moms, and delivered them with cards earlier in the week. I also left messages for other friends via Facebook.

This year, Mother's Day meant so much to me. Not only because it's my first Mother's Day and I wanted to celebrate that fact, but because it's the first time I really understood how much goes into being a mom and how much work it is. So I wanted to celebrate that with my friends and family, and honor them.

Last night, I put Michaela to bed. I fed her and sat with her in the rocker and told her all the things I love about her and how much I want for her to have a good life. I'm still overwhelmed by how much love I have for her. I love her more than everyone else in the world, and I've never loved anyone as much as I love her. My whole heart swells when I think about her.

And she's growing up so fast! In two days, she'll be five months old. She's holding her head up and even sitting up by herself (when we spread her legs wide. it's more of a feat of balance than of strength, but oh well).

In fact, last Thursday, Mike called me after their sign language class and told me she'd sat up by herself for the first time. I was excited, but also really sad I wasn't there to see it. I realize I have a great set up, and I certainly am not complaining, but still. It was hard to know he was there for it, and all the other moms in the class were there for it, and I was at home working. A friend of mine reminded me that there will be lots of other firsts and that I'll get to be there for them, which is very true, so I'm trying to keep that in mind.

My mom has been working with Michaela to get her to say "mama." She is bound and determined that "mama" should be the baby's first word. Prior to mother's day, she was really working to get Michaela to try to say it for the holiday, but no such luck. Still, I was touched by the gesture.

I was also touched by the nice thing my mom said, which she also echoed in the card she gave me for Mother's Day. She said I'm a good mom and that it gives her a lot of pleasure to watch me with Michaela. It was the nicest thing anyone could have said to me. My mom was a really good mommy, so that's high praise from her.

(In fact, my mom continues to be a good mommy. She takes great care of Michaela and me, even now!)

Sweetest Thing in the World

I don't always put Michaela to bed, but sometimes I do. I put a disposable diaper on her (blasphemous in our cloth diapering household, but I'm tired of her special areas being red from diaper rash, due to sitting in a wet diaper all night) and then feed her. Michaela will suck pretty good on her bottle and then get tired. Her sucking slows and eventually she'll let me take the bottle out of her mouth. Her eyes close and I cradle her to my chest. She heaves a big sigh and then takes sweet little breaths as she falls asleep. I like to rest my head against hers, or press my lips to her soft skin, and hold her like that for a while before putting her to bed in her crib. Each time I do that, my heart fills with love and I try to make a mental movie of the moment and the feeling, because I know it won't be long. Soon enough, she'll be too big for me to hold like that, and eventually she'll get to a point where she will put herself to bed. So I savor the moment while I can.

Baby shower!

I'd been feeling sorry for myself over the last couple of days. I got an invite to a girlfriend's baby shower. She's due months after I am, but her friends have it together enough that they're planning something and not only had I not heard a peep out of my friends, but when I asked a couple of them some registry-related questions, all I heard was the sound of crickets (implying they had no plans to throw me a shower). I don't know why, but stuff like that totally gets to me and throughout my life, I have been really hurt by having expectations of my friends that they never quite seem to meet. I've gotten better about it, but I'm still not that good, and this shower thing is a perfect example.

Today, Mike and I spent a very nice day out and about and I happened to mention to him that my feelings were hurt because I wanted a shower but no one was going to throw me one. He said I have a tendency to make people think I don't want something (like a baby shower) and then get disappointed when I don't get it. That's a longstanding discussion between us, and I basically let it go. A couple of hours later, he said to me, all giddy, "check your email!" I looked at my BlackBerry and had a message from my friend saying to save the date, that she and another friend had been plotting to throw me a shower. Mike also said his mom is coming out for it and that his stepmom might come, too. I was totally surprised, totally touched, and felt a little bit stupid for being such a baby.

Apparently they've been trying to figure out details for weeks and when I told Mike how I was feeling, he sent a text to one of my friends alerting her to the need to break the news stat. And voila, she did. I feel much better now about things. I guess my friends don't suck, after all.

(And for the record, I was hurt/disappointed because 1) I would totally throw showers for my friends and have been to all sorts of showers in the past and bought stuff and even driven hundreds of miles to be there, and 2) it's my baby, for Christ's sake, and I want her to have nice things-- nice things purchased by our friends and family!)

Inappropriate touching

I met someone the other day-- for the first time-- and she immediately put her hand on my stomach. I've read about that happening and people have told me it happens, but I was still surprised when it did. Why on earth would anyone think that's okay?!?!