Maternity Leave

My leave is all messed up, which I've alluded to in a previous post. I was hoping it would get straightened out, and I suppose that it now has mostly been, I just don't like the way it was resolved.

The bad thing about starting a new job when you're 8 months pregnant is that you don't have any FMLA protections. The bad thing about working for a relatively small organization is that no one knows the answers to anything. We outsource our HR, so not only do I have to deal with someone on the internal company policies, but I also have to deal with someone from the HR company.

I get a 30 day maternity leave through my employer, 100% paid. It turns out it's 20 work days. That's fine, and actually pretty generous (especially considering I have only worked there for less than a month). The company starts that the day I went off work, which in my case was two days before I actually had the baby. I was disabled because of the drugs I was on, and my doctor will write me a note saying so in order to apply for Pregnancy Disability Leave, but that's a separate process run through the state-- not my employer and not the outside HR company. So that's another person/entity I have to deal with. What my company is telling me is that I need to exhaust my maternity leave first and then apply for that disability leave, which seems weird, but okay.

Unless I want to take time unpaid, I will only end up taking off 20 days of maternity leave. Except it's really less than that because I was out and in the hospital for a number of days, and have spent about a week since trying to get this all nailed down. A week of not working, that is. So at this point, I have about 11 work days off left before I have to go back to being a full-time employee.

Why not take unpaid leave time? Because of the other wrench in the works-- health insurance. When I left my last job, I had health insurance coverage through the end of November, but had to elect Cobra for December. My benefits with the new job were scheduled to kick in January 1, 2010. Except since I've been on maternity leave with no FMLA protection, I'm not considered an active employee and I will still need to work a consecutive 30 days (and then wait until the 1st of the month after those 30 days) before my benefits kick in. So not only do I have an $800 Cobra bill for me and the baby for December, but I will have to pay $850 (benefit costs go up with the new year) each month for the two of us to have coverage until my benefits kick in. At this point, because of the timing, if I finish out my 11 remaining days of maternity leave, that puts me into January, which means I need to work all of January plus however many days of February to get to 30 consecutive days, and then my benefits will kick in March 1. So $800 for December + $850 for January + $850 for March, just for me and Michaela to have coverage. Mike, meanwhile, has no health insurance because he quit his job, didn't elect Cobra, and won't have insurance until mine kicks in and he's on mine.

We have the money in savings to pay for the Cobra, and we also have the money in savings for me to take some unpaid leave, but the combination of the two would drain our savings at a really fast rate. Especially because any unpaid days I take delay my getting health insurance. So doing one prolongs the other, continuing the rapid drawing down of our savings at a time when I'm the only one working and Mike is taking time with the baby and on the renovations of our house (as opposed to actively seeking out work).

So right now, what I think I'm planning to do is to go back to work on Monday. Yup, Monday, December 28. Sixteen days after I gave birth. That way, I'll only have to do Cobra for December and January, my benefits will start February 1, and it will get my family the coverage we need soonest and with the least expense. I'm really unhappy with having to go back to work so soon, but I don't know what else I can do. I'll still have the other 11 days of leave, so after Feb. 1, I can't take those days.

Of course, I'm not sure how good of an employee I'll be when I'm on so little sleep and my mind is totally somewhere else, but I guess you go what you gotta do.

A funk

Every so often, I battle a bout of depression. It's almost always the same. I get sad, I don't want to do anything. I curse my friends, who all suck. Well, I'm going through that now.

In about 2 weeks, I'll celebrate my 30th birthday. Well, let me rephrase that to say that in 2 weeks, I'll turn 30. I won't celebrate my birthday. My plans had been to go on a big trip, but that's not going to happen now that I'm pregnant with Poppy (and not now that we went on our babymoon and I don't have any vacation time left). Obviously, a big raging night of drinking is out, too. Getting dressed up and going somewhere fancy is out of the question-- what on earth would I wear? I'd be really happy, actually, with a night in with my friends, but my friends are all flakes. They're dispersed all over the country, and none of them are inclined to come to San Diego for a weekend. Even the one who lives in LA, only 2 short hours away.

These are the same friends who won't be throwing me a baby shower. I talked to my best friend (I feel silly calling her that right now as I'm put out with her) and was asking her opinion of where we should register-- Babies R Us or Amazon.com-- because Mike and I haven't been able to decide. I was NOT hinting about a shower, but I did mention that I didn't think I'd have one since everyone is far away and busy, and that my mom isn't the type to throw me one. She didn't say anything indicating an interest or desire to throw me one, which is fine, except it still hurts my feelings.

I also have been very frustrated with Mike lately for a number of reasons. He's driving me crazy. I don't feel like he wants me input on baby product purchasing, he is always pestering me for sex (which I have no interest in, though that's not the fault of the pregnancy, it was pretty much that was before, too). He is always going on and on about how much he does around the house, implying that I don't do anything. And the other day, when I talk the dog to the vet, he said, "how much did that cost me?" Excuse me, but I work and contribute to our household, too, and I don't appreciate that type of statement.

Mike asked me yesterday what I want to do to celebrate our one-year wedding anniversary, which is about a week after my birthday. Again, see the paragraphs above for reasons I don't want to do anything. All I've been thinking lately is, "why don't we get divorced?"

Oh, and I suggested to him the other day that he should think about getting a fuck buddy. Fort he last week or so, I've been thinking up rules that would make me more comfortable with it. Must be STD-free. Mike must not spend any money on him/her. There will be others, I'm sure. It just seems like if we do it this way, at least I'll have some control. Without it, or without my suddenly regaining an interest in sex, it's just a matter of time until he cheats on me. So here I am-- 29 years old, less than a year into my marriage, and pregnant to boot. No wonder I'm depressed.

Halfway there!

I had another doctor's appointment on Thursday and while the doctor hadn't looked at the images from the ultrasound in great detail, she said if something had been obviously wrong, the tech would have called in a radiologist and they would have called her. So it's sort of a "no news is good news" situation. Same with the genetic testing.

Somehow the doctor and her office forgot to tell me I needed 2nd trimester blood work done for the genetic screening. I was surprised to get a letter when I got home at 7 p.m. on the 18th saying I needed to have the blood work done on/by the 20th or else they couldn't do any screening. I was NOT happy. It worked out fine and I was able to have it done on the 20th, after my prenatal appointment.

While I was there, the doctor also ordered some general blood and urine screening because I explained I've been a little tired, a little swollen, and sensitive to sugar. My results came back later that day and they all look sort of funky to me. My red blood count from the CBC was really low. That probably explains why I'm so exhausted all the time. I need to follow up with the doctor to see if I should be taking supplements or something.

In a concession to my health, and thinking of Poppy's, I went back to taking prenatal vitamins last night. The ones I was taking before made me really sick, so I switched to regular adult gummie vitamins. But the prenatal ones have more good stuff that I obviously need, so that's that.

I'm happy that everything is going well and amazed at how quickly the days have passed. I'm 20 weeks along today-- halfway there!

I'm screwed

The policy at my work to take FMLA and CFRA (the California version of the law) says you have to have worked there for at least 1 year and have worked at least 1250 hours in the previous year. I started my job on February 2, 2008, so unless I'm having an elephant, there's no way I will have been there for a year when I deliver. And 1250 hours is about 8 months' worth of 40-hour work weeks; I won't get to that point until November. Sigh.

I am feeling incredibly frustrated with the timing of this pregnancy. Obviously it wasn't planned, and I am a planner by nature. I can take some unpaid leave-- 30 days' worth-- but that's it. I'm looking at quitting my job or having to go back to work way sooner than I'd like so I can get the time on the books and then take the leave.

Mike and I had a brief conversation today and he said something to the effect of, "well, you can just go back to work and take your leave starting in February." I can have the baby, use whatever vacation I've accrued (and maybe the unpaid leave, or maybe not) and then suck it up and go back to work. That really pissed me off because it doesn't take into consideration the fact that I won't have that much vacation time and 1) physically, depending on how delivery goes, it may be difficult to "just" go back to work, and 2) emotionally, it will be incredibly difficult to "just" have the baby and then drive my sorry, sad, tired ass 90 miles away to 8+ hours of work and 3 hours in the car.

The other thing Mike said was, "you're a director, maybe they'll waive the policy for you." Umm, yeah, I don't think so. Considering they don't let me work from home because "everyone else wants to, regardless of how close or far away they live" and considering that my (nonprofit) organization is running a massive deficit, I don't see it happening. Most of all, I'm sure management will be smart enough to figure out that once I have a baby, my interest and enthusiasm in commuting 180 miles a day, far away from the flesh of my flesh and blood of my blood, is going to drop off like a stone and it won't be long until I quit.

I didn't say any of that to him because I've been trying not to focus on, or talk about, the fact that the timing of this baby sucks! So I bit my tongue and am going to try to talk to my HR person-- eventually- to see what my options are.